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17. Some people have too much money

June 15th

We need to talk. Kappeli at 4pm. This aggressive and unfriendly SMS was sent by Tiia to her ex-husband. Janne went there and didn’t know what to expect. He checked in the whole café situated on the Esplanade if she was not already there. He bought a coffee and sat at a table. He thought that he would probably need more than a coffee. It was a pity that this café didn’t sell alcohol. A good cognac would be perfect. She arrived half an hour later. She was wearing sunglasses like a movie star, a white dress, a necklace made of pearls and very high heels. She was walking like a model in a fashion show. Janne didn’t know what to think. She was pretty but in a way she looked ridiculous. She sat in front of him and started the conversation directly to the point. “What have you planned to offer for Mico’s wedding?” “Hello Tiia. I’m fine, thanks,” he answered calmly but she didn’t react. “I think that you can remove your sunglasses. There are no paparazzi,” he said almost laughing. “Answer the question,” she reminded. “What do you want to drink? Tea? Coffee?” “Janne!” she almost screamed and everybody in the café looked at them.

“Well I don’t know yet. Maybe a sofa,” he said when they were quiet again. “And what else?” “Tiia, I cannot offer more,” he said. “Which kind of father are you? You should offer more than just a sofa at 200€ at Ikea,” she commented. “Well… you know I don’t have a rich girlfriend.” “This is not my problem and can you please stop to be envious. With Urho we will offer a washing machine and a dryer. The total value is 3000€. What will you give with your sofa? You still have to offer something for 2800€?” she describes with a smile. “If I do it I will not have a cent left on my bank account,” he confessed. “This is not my business,” she replied as cold as an ice cube.

She was moving strangely on the chair. Janne didn’t know what she was trying to do. If she needed to go to the bathroom, why wasn’t she leaving? “Did you notice anything new?” she asked when she saw that he was perplexed. “Your necklace?” he guessed. “No. Try again.” “I don’t know.” “Look at my boobs.” “What? I’m your ex and you ask me to look at your boobs?” he asked a bit shocked by her request. “Uhro offered me bigger ones. Aren’t they nicer?” He couldn’t believe it. “Some people have really too much money to spend.” And he left the café.

On the way back home he went to the bank and took 3000€ cash. Only 2.50€ were left. Luckily the bills of the month were already paid. At home he took a piece of paper and wrote his gifts ideas. The final choice was a sofa, a flat-screen TV and a table for the living room.

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18. To reclaim the lost love

July 6th

Harri Olli was thinking. He was at work, sat at the cafeteria, the fist on his cheek. Something was wrong in his life. Since he was back from his mission to Greenland his wife Nina seemed to be bored of him. In the evening they were each on their computer and were talking via Messenger. Very often she was going to bed later than him. He also noticed that Matti Hautamäki visited her wife more than once. He hoped that she was not cheating on him with that guy. George Siltonton sat in front of him. “Oh be aware, Harri is thinking,” he said with his British accent. He was 53 years old with glasses, dark brown hair, long teeth and a squared face. “Do you think I’m attractive?” Harri asked, just exiting his dreaming world. “Sorry I’m not gay,” George answered quite surprised. “No, honestly. If you were a woman, will you think that I’m attractive?” “Your request is pretty strange. I’ve to imagine myself in the body of a woman, to modify my way of thinking, my habits,…” “George, it’s a simple question. I don’t ask you to be a transvestite,” he specified. “You are… hum… a normal Finnish guy. Cleverer than the average.” “I mean physically,” he insisted. “Sorry, you should ask someone else,” George admitted that he was not skilled for that task.

In the elevator Harri looked at his reflection. His hair was a mess. It was pretty long and some were missing. That morning he didn’t shave well. While he looked closer he discovered some new wrinkles. It was decided: after work he would go to the hair dresser. The first time since… a year!

Before to go home, he went to the supermarket and bought a shaver and foam. He went to the restroom of the shopping mall and started to shave. The men who entered were looking at him strangely. What was so strange to see a man shaving his beard? Harri though that 90% of people were really stupid and he was glad to be in the other 10%. If he was shaving his hair or anything else, that could be shocking. But not a beard.

When he arrived at home he smiled and brought flowers to his wife who was surprise. “Something to celebrate?” she asked. “Our love,” he simply replied and kissed her. “Don’t cook tonight. We’re going out.” “It’s a really good idea. We haven’t done it since a while. Oh and you cut your hair!” she finally noticed. Harri smiled but was waiting for a quicker remark. He made a huge effort.

He wanted that that evening looked like the first ones they had together when they met. Unfortunately for Harri, nothing went really as planned. The waitress brought the wrong meal but he didn’t protest. The problem was that after few bits his mouth was in fire. He was not used to eat spicy food. “Are you okay Harri?” his wife asked when she saw that his face was red. “Yes..” he replied in a low voice. But he was a man and men are not complaining. He knew many of them who ate spicy food. Why not him? After that painful experience, they went to a bar to have a last drink. Harri thought that they were too old to go to a club. They were sat with their glass looking at the other people who were in large groups. They were probably waiting that the discos opened. Harri was thinking that his reclaiming idea was a fiasco. He had to find a new idea to save that evening. He looked outside and saw that there was still some light. The midnight sun was very helpful. “Come with me. I will show you something,” Harri broke the silence.

They walked through the center and jumped in the boat to Suomenlinna. “Oh Harri, this is a great idea! To spend the end of the evening with you on an island.” Harri was proud of him. He hugged her and looked at the landscape. The sea was dark but the sky was shading from light to dark blue. They arrived fifteen minutes later on the island. They were the only passengers of the ferry. They hold their hands and walked to the extremity of the island. There it was colder and the wind was stronger. They sat on a bench and looked at the landscape. “Harri, I’m cold,” Nina complained. “It’s your imagination. It’s because of the wind. Think that we are on a beach in Thailand. That day there is no tourist. We are together. Some boats are fishing further away,…” “It’s not a joke. I’m cold,” she interrupted. He put his arm around her shoulder and warmed her arm by moving his hand. But it wasn’t enough. She was still cold and it was late. “I think that we should go home,” she suggested. “No, not yet. Let’s wait for the sunrise. It’s at 3:18,” he explained. “But it not midnight and I’m freezing! Harri I want to go home. Please,” she begged. Finally he accepted to walk back to the harbor. But there they had a bad surprised. “What? The next boat is at 5!” she said desperate. “You can swim,” he suggested but she didn’t like his joke. “Please find another idea,” she begged. He thought a bit and found two solutions: to fall in the rocks and to call the ambulance or to borrow a boat. He chose the second option which was more romantic. His wife would call him a hero. “Stay here. I’m coming soon,” he announced, hiding a smile.

Nina really wondered what Harri was doing. He had been strange the whole evening. Or more precisely since he came back from work. What was he trying to do? To impress her? For what? But at that moment she only wished to be in her warm bed. The wind was quite cold and she didn’t have good clothes to be on that island that late.

More than half an hour later she saw a small boat passing under the bridge and coming to her. “Harri? But what are you doing? Are you crazy?” she said. “Jump in the boat. I drive you home,” he said. She sat on the dock and jumped to the boat which moved a lot. “You’re safe,” he said with a smile before to start rowing.

“Isn’t it romantic?” Harri asked when they were half way to the city. “Look at the light reflections in the sea. The stars are beautiful tonight and we are alone,” he commented. “Great,” she answered with the arms crossed. She was really freezing and she wondered what would happen next. Nothing was surprising with Harri. “If we were not married I would ask you now,” he said with a smile. She smiled back but didn’t dare to tell him that the answer would be negative.

When they almost arrived in Kaivopuisto the boat hit a rock and the passengers fell to the water which was pretty cold. Luckily it wasn’t deep. Just one meter. “What a brilliant idea! You’re a genius!” Nina screamed to her husband almost crying. “Forgive me. I was distrait. I was not looking where I was going. Nina! Come back!” he begged but she was walking to the shore.

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19. I want him!

August 8th

Janne Ahonen was again in trouble. He needed the help of a friend but he didn’t know how to do it. After have studied all the possible options he took the train to Käpylä. Some minutes later he arrived behind the door of a light green house. He rang at the door and looked at house on the other side of the road. The curtain of the room downstairs moved. He noticed that there were spies everywhere. The door opened right after. “Hi Janne. What a surprise.” Maria exclaimed. “Hello. I’m sorry to come over without an appointment. I’d like to talk with your husband.” “He is still at work. But he will come in about an hour. Do you want a coffee?” she proposed and he accepted.

An hour and ten minutes later Janne Happonen arrived with a heavy plastic bag. “Some colleagues gave me some more bottles. I think that we don’t need to buy wine for the next five years,” Havu said to his wife. They married less than two weeks ago in the church of Oulunkylä at few kilometers at the north of Käpylä and they were still getting presents from friends, relatives or colleagues who couldn’t come. The ceremony was simple and the meal too. For Havu it was his third weeding and Maria the second one. They knew that it was useless to spend too much money in a fancy wedding. Happonen invited Ahonen to have another drink on the terrace.

“Havu, I’ve something to tell you but it’s a bit embarrassing. I think that you are the only one who can help me.” “Tell me. I’ll see what I can do,” Havu answered while he opened his can of beer. “I’ve nowhere to go.” “What? How is it possible?” Havu asked for more details. “My back was hurting again and I couldn’t work normally. Last month I spent half of the time in my room. Finally the boss told me that he didn’t need a guy like me. I’m fired. And I had to leave the room as well,” he explained. “Well, you can stay here for few days before to find an apartment.” “Yeah but…” Rane started still embarrassed. “I’ve no more money,” he confessed. “What the hell have you done?” Havu replied. “I bought gifts for the wedding of my son.” “When you are poor you buy cheap items. A vacuum cleaner was enough,” Havu added. “I’ve been forced and he is my son,” Janne explained. “Why don’t you ask for help to your son?” Havu asked. “His flat is too small for an extra person,” Ahonen justified. Havu was looking at his garden. He didn’t know what to do. In a way he was tired to help his friends. He was recently married and wanted to move on. But on the other hand he couldn’t send his friend to the street. He knew that he was a former alcoholic and if he was hanging around there was a huge probability that he would drink again. “Okay. I’ve a two room flat connected to the house. You can stay here as long as you want but I’d prefer that you find a solution to your problems.” “Oh thank you so much Havu! You’re an angel. I’ll do all what you want,” Ahonen promised. Havu was still looking at his garden. “Tomorrow you can mow,” Happonen asked with a smile.

He finished his beer and showed the flat. There was a little lobby for the shoes and jackets opened on a living room. “The sofa is a bed too but I guess that you recognize it,” Havu said and Ahonen laughed. A year ago he was living with Havu in Pasila and he was sleeping on that sofa. There was a table with four chairs in front of the window which had the view on the garden. On the right there was a very tiny kitchen. Next to the entrance, on the left there was a small bath room with a shower but without sauna. They climbed the stair and on the next floor there was a bed room with only a bed and a wardrobe. “Welcome home. You will have to ask Maria when you can do your laundry because the machine is in the basement and you don’t have access. At the end of the street, turn right and you’ll find a little shop and a kiosk. Otherwise just take the train and go to the center or the bus. Well, here are the keys. If you have any questions, just knock at the door.” “Thank you so much,” Ahonen said while Havu closed the door.

The next morning Maria had her breakfast on the terrace. She loved so much sun. She was eating a strawberry yogurt, an apple and a banana with a cup of coffee. That morning was almost perfect. She just missed Havu who was at work. “Good morning,” her new neighbor said. “Good morning Janne. Did you sleep well?” she asked. “Yes, it’s very quiet here,” he said while he sat in front of her. “Do you want a cup of coffee?” she proposed and he accepted. “What are your plans for today?” she asked when she came back. “Well I’ve to mow your garden. I will also go to the shop to buy some food,” he told. “Havu is not coming back for lunch. Do you want to eat with me?” she proposed. He didn’t know if it was a good idea but then he thought that it was better than to eat alone.

After the lunch Janne took the lawnmower from the garage and turned it on. The sun was shining and it was pretty hot. He took off his t-shirt and continued. Maria was behind the window looking at her gardener. He was really athletic and his skin was golden from the summer. Then she reminded how Minna was praising her young gardener. She took her phone and called Laura, Minna and Katrina to invite them to have a cup of coffee.

Less than five minutes later the four girls were sat on the terrace looking at the show. “I want the same one!” Minna said and Maria smiled. “I prefer real men than your teenager,” she added. “I’ve to admit that he is not bad. He doesn’t have a beer belly like my husband,” Laura criticized. “But I don’t like his tattoo,” she added. Katrina wondered why she didn’t notice during the housewarming party that he was so sexy. “Where did you find him?” Minna asked with jealousy in her voice. “He is my tenant. He lives just here,” Maria showed the window on the left of the house.

When he finished, Maria brought a glass of lemonade and he sat at the table of the girls. His skin was covered of sweat drops and his hair was a bit wet. “Thanks for mowing, Janne,” Maria thanked. “You’re welcome. It’s so hot today. More than in July. Hi girls,” He said a bit exhausted. The women were suddenly shy. After a little while Minna with her red hair asked if Janne had time the next day to mow her garden. “My husband is lazy and it’s hard work for me. I’ll pay you for the work,” she proposed. “And when you’re finished you can cut the bushed in my yard,” Laura added. “Next week you can help me to fix the roof of the children’s house in the garden. It’s like if an elephant sat on it,” Katrina proposed with a smile. Janne was confused. It was the first time in his life that so many women were almost fighting to get him. But he didn’t refuse. He needed money and he was glad to help.

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20. Deal

August 14th

Nina was certain that Harri would not come to interrupt her important discussion. He had two weeks of holiday and was spending them on his island, lost somewhere between Helsinki and Turku. At that moment he was certainly fishing or drinking beers. That day she had to be convincing. After a long discussion in the living room and been sure that her visitor was interested and faithful. She opened the door which was going to the basement. “Are you sure that you want to participate to the project?” she repeated when they were in front of the door, locked with a digital code. “Yes, I am,” he confirmed. She composed the code and the door opened. It was a complete laboratory with all the needed equipment to do experimentations. “Do I have any guarantees?” he asked after a little while. “This room is a total secret. Nobody will disturb my work. I’m still working with mouses but I made great progress. Look here in the microscope,” she pleased. He came closer and looked. There were some cells moving but he didn’t know what it meant. “Have you seen? They are moving. It’s life!” she said with enthusiasm. “How long will I have to wait?” he asked. “This is a mystery. But I think that it will worth it, don’t you?” she asked and he acquiesced.

When they were back upstairs they talked about money. “This project is time consuming and can last for a long time. I will also have to get more equipments and products. And you know the obstacles. I can manage Harri but for the others it will be a bit complicated. And I’ll take really care of you. Like if you were my son,” she explained. “How much do I have to give you?” he asked. “Matti, all what you have. Think of what you will get in exchange. It has no price,” she said. “I can sell my apartment. I think that I can get around 300.000€. My car should have a value of 30.000€ and I’ve about 150.000€ on my bank account,” he listed. “It’s perfect. I let you sell what you don’t need at the moment and make the transactions to my account at the right moment,” she specified. Matti shook her hand. He accepted the deal.

On the way back home he sat on a bench in a park. He thought that it was his last summer for a long time. He made a deal but he was not sure if it was the right decision. Maybe she lied and she just wanted to get all his money. What would his brother think? And he couldn’t talk about it. He wanted to know what the opinion of Janne Happonen was but he would never know. Then he drove his car to the notary public. He needed to modify some documents.

Nina was smiling. She never thought that she would convince him. She just got what was missing to her project. She opened a bottle of wine and celebrated her success.

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21. You’re not the only one

September 15th

Janne Happonen was walking under the trees of the cemetery of Hietaniemi. It was a beautiful day and the leaves of the trees were colorful. To walk there was almost like walking in a forest. The only difference was the thousands of gravestones. When he saw a little squirrel he put some sunflower seeds on a wall nearby. He walked back and waited. The little animal was shy. It was coming closer. It was curious. It sniffed and jumped back. It stood up on its back legs and looked around. When it saw that Havu was not moving it collected quickly the seeds and jumped on the ground several times. At the bottom of a tree it dug a hole and hid the food. Havu smiled and continued his walk.

He was not walking there to feed the animals. He was also not there to look at the trees. He was there to understand the behavior of a friend. After the chapel he continued to the children area. He didn’t like it. It was unfair. Children were not supposed to die. He walked on the first three rows. He didn’t pay much attention to what was written on the stones. It was too sad. When he turned on the fourth row he stopped. He found what he was looking for. His friend was kneeled in front of a stone. He walked slowly to let him some time.

“Hi Tami,” Janne said after a while. “What are you doing here?” he replied without looking at him. “Well it’s a nice sunny day and I went to see the squirrels. Many of them are living in these trees and suddenly I saw you,” he explained without telling the truth. Tami got up. His eyes were reddish and he didn’t seem happy to see his former teammate. Janne looked quickly at the stone to confirm what he already knew. “Are you happy? Now you know everything and you will tell it to everybody,” Tami said while he crossed his arms. “You don’t know me. I’m not that kind of person. I’m just wondering why you and your wife are telling lies to everybody, saying that she is alive. Look around you! You are not the only one to have lost a child.” “You can’t understand. I just hope that you will keep your mouth shut. There is already Ahonen who bother me with that story,” Tami replied. “I’m sure he can understand your pain. He also lost one of his boys. He felt guilty for years. But I can tell you that now he feels much better. He is moving on. And I think that you need it too. Please Tami, accept the help of your friends or of professionals. It’s not a shame. The death of a child is always a tragedy.” Tami was mute. He wanted to disappear. How could he escape from Havu? “Let’s have a coffee on a terrace and enjoy the sun,” Happonen proposed.

“Can you promise to don’t talk about it to Ahonen?” Tami asked. “Yes, but I think that you should tell him. You were his best friend for years and he is really wondering for you. He told me about a strange night he spent at your place. He was pretty shocked to have been locked in the room during the night,” Havu explained before to drink his beer. The birds were really active in the sky. They were probably eating as much as they could before to leave for a warm country. Some people were boating and some others were swimming. It was probably the last opportunity of the year. It was also the perfect day to eat an ice cream.

“What happened on September 15th 2016?” Janne Happonen asked. “It was a day like this one. In the morning we decided to go to Seurasaari for a picnic. We also liked that place because of the birds and squirrels. And in September most of the tourists are gone. But we never went there that day,” he said, looking in his glass of beer. Janne didn’t interrupt. He understood that it was difficult for his friend. He already told more than what he thought he would do. “Piia was in the house. She was completing the picnic basket. I went outside to reverse my car out of the garage. I let the door of the house open. I didn’t see her. I just hear a scream but it was too late,” Tami said while he turned his head on the other direction and put his hand on his cheek. “I’m so sorry… it was an accident. It’s not your fault,” Havu comforted how he could and gave him a tissue. “No, I killed her. She was a child. An innocent child. She died because of me. It’s unforgivable.”

“Please don’t tell it to Piia. If she hears about it she will be furious,” Tami begged. “Yes, sure but why?” Havu asked. “It’s a complicated story. You won’t understand.” “I love complicated stories. And I understand more than what you think.” But Tami wanted to leave as fast as possible to avoid Havu’s questions. That guy was unbelievable. He discovered everything. Tami wondered how he did it.

When he was alone on the terrace Janne Happonen was thinking. He discovered the secret of Tami but there was a new one. Why to hide the fact that he knew it to Piia? And who was Piia? He met her very rarely and never had a real conversation with her. But he always had the feeling that she was a cold person.

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22. Predator

October 4th

Veli-Matti Lindström noticed that something was different with his wife since two months. She was trying to lose some kilos, she bought a lot of new clothes and shoes and she was using make up. He thought that the women around had a bad influence on her. He loved her how she was. He didn’t care of her weight and for him she didn’t need make up. He preferred her natural beauty. But the strangest moment was when he was leaving for work. Before she hugged him and didn’t want that he left. But since a couple of weeks he just got a quick kiss. She seemed to be happy that he was leaving. He also noticed that the garden was clean every two days. The previous years he spent his Sundays to collect the dead leaves. He also didn’t mow for a month. What was wrong with the grass? Why was it not growing?

“Who collected the leaves?” Vellu asked to his wife. “Me and the kids.” “Oh please, I know that it’s a lie. You never did it the past years. Why now?” he insisted. “Okay, it’s Janne. He is unemployed and he gets jobs in the street. It’s fair in my point of view. Like this you can spend your Sunday with the kids and not collecting the leaves and he earns a bit of money.” “How much do you give him?” “10€ per hour,” she said.

Veli-Matti didn’t know if Janne was just helping or if he was interested in something else. But he was determined to protect his couple. He crossed the street and knock at the door of the little apartment. “Hello Vellu. Nice to see you,” Ahonen said. “I heard that you were looking for a job. A real one I mean,” Vellu specified. When he saw Janne with a t-shirt which seemed to be too small and jeans, he understood why all the women seemed to be crazy about him. He was a predator in the middle of horny middle-age women. He preferred to ignore if he end up in a bed or not with one of them. But he had to change the situation. “On Monday morning at 6am, cross the street and we’ll go to my company. I’ve a job for you.” “Oh really? Thank you so much, Vellu! How can I thank you?” “Stop mowing my garden and collecting the leaves,” Vellu said before to leave. Janne was perplexed. What did he mean? Did he do anything wrong?

“Is he gone?” “Yes,” Janne replied while he closed the door. Maria smiled and went back to the main house.

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23. Confession

October 17th

Matti Hautamäki was stressed. He asked Janne Happonen to come to his flat. But at that moment he thought that he was not ready. He checked for the eighth time that the window was closed, that the table was clean, that no shirt was on a chair, that his coffee machine was on and that his cats were not doing something stupid in his bedroom where he closed the door. He opened the window of the kitchen and lighted his first cigarette since last spring. When the intercom rang he pressed the button to open the door of the building. He knew that in less than two minutes his guest would be there. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply to relax.

Janne Happonen brought a bottle of wine and some vanilla ice cream. He knew that it was the favorite flavor of Matti who thank him. “It’s the first time that I see you with glasses,” Havu commented. “You know, I’m getting old. I turned 41 last July. But I’ve glasses since a year. The only difference is that now I’ve to wear them all the time,” he explained. “I’m sorry that I missed your birthday. I wanted to visit but I was busy in the preparation of my wedding,” Havu explained. “It’s okay. Don’t worry. I was not at home. I was in Savonlinna to see an opera with my girlfriend.” Suddenly Matti stopped talking. “Oh great! I didn’t know that you were dating. Congratulations! What’s her name?” Havu asked curious. “Cassandra. But please, you don’t need to tell it to everybody,” Matti requested a bit embarrassed. “I know how to keep a secret. You can trust me.”

Matti brought a tray with coffee and cookies. “Did you make them yourself?” Havu asked. “Better not and I’m not in the mood to kill you,” Matti said while he put the cup in from of Janne. “You wanted to tell me something important. I listen,” Havu said after a while. “Well… it’s not easy and I don’t really know how to tell you.” “You can tell me everything and you know it,” Havu reminded. Matti mixed his coffee and stayed silent for a while. Janne thought that it was something bad. He hoped that it was not too bad and that he could help. Matti’s face was closed, he was looking down, his skin was pale and his cheeks were gaunt. “Havu, I will die soon,” Matti finally admitted while he raised his head. Havu was under shock. “No Matti, it’s not possible. You will die old. Like most of us,” Janne said totally confused. “It’s the truth. Last spring my doctor said that I’ll still live six months to a year. Not more. Seven months have passed.” Havu was pale. No, not Matti. Why? He was so confused. He hoped that it was a nightmare and that he would wake up soon. “Why have you waited that long to tell me?” Havu said, fixing the window. He couldn’t look at him. “I was afraid and I didn’t know how to tell you. You are the first person to know it,” he confessed. Havu sat next to Matti and hugged for long minutes. He was holding him strongly. He didn’t want that Matti saw his tears of sorrow. But quickly the shirt of Matti became wet.

“Since when are you sick?” Havu asked after have blown his nose three times. “I don’t know. Probably more than six years. But I know it only since a year and a half when I went to the rehab clinic,” Matti explained. “How is it possible that you didn’t know it before? They were probably a way to help you. Now it’s… too late.” “I was a drug addict and I didn’t go to the doctor because I was afraid to lose my job,” Matti told. “You sacrificed your life for a job! Matti how is it possible to be that selfish? And you lost that job! You lost everything!” Havu was furious. To him, to Matti, to the society. They were living in a world were only the performances, power and money were important. Life and love had no more value. Havu felt again some tears coming to his eyes. “I promise that I come back in a few minutes. I need to go out,” Janne Happonen said before to wear his shoes and jacket.

He went to the beach nearby which was desert and screamed. The birds flew away. He felt on the knees in the reddish sand and cried. In his head he was seeing all the nice moments he shared with Matti. He never thought that one day, one of them would die. He was not yet dead but he felt so.

When he was calm again he walked back to the flat. “I promise to come over each week. If you need anything, just call me,” Janne said. “It’s very kind of you but don’t sacrifice your life for me. You have a wife who loves you and is waiting for you. Love is so important. Don’t lose what you have. I learnt it and it’s painful. More coffee?” Matti proposed but Havu refused. Havu was looking at Matti. “How many kilos did you lose since the meeting in Norway in summer two years ago?” “Well… I’m not sure. I think about fifteen. But since three weeks I’m stable,” Matti reassured.

“May I ask you what you have?” Havu said. “It’s a bit embarrassing and you won’t see me the same way.” “Nothing will change what I think of you,” Janne told calmly and Matti smiled. “I’m infected by a virus. It’s everywhere in my body. It’s destroying my immune system. Winter is coming and a simple flu will kill me. Last winter when you drove me to the hospital you saved me. The doctor said that if I stayed home a couple of more days I would have died.” “Why don’t you give a name to that virus? Are you ashamed?” Havu said honestly. “Okay! You want me to tell it? Okay! I’ve the AIDS. I’ve been a fucking idiot for years using drugs, having sex with girls sometimes without condom and I don’t know how, when and where I got it.” Matti sat on the sofa and started to cry. Havu felt sorry but he thought that it was good for Matti to tell it loudly. He was probably not assuming. “I will keep my promise. And it changes nothing. I still think the same of you.”

“Come on Matti. Get up. Let’s have dinner at my place. Then we will watch the ice hockey game, drinking some beers. Kuopio is playing in Oulu. Let’s see which team is best,” Havu proposed and Matti smiled again. His smiled also because it was his two favorite teams: Kuopio because he spent most of his life there and Oulu because it’s the city where he was born and grew up. “I will ask my wife to make good pizza. You’ll see, there are excellent,” Janne added with a smile.

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24. Fear of the dark

Most of the little boys have the fear of the dark. But what is so scary? What is so different with the daylight? Is it because of the moving shadows? The strange sounds? Or simply their imagination?

Oliver Lindström, five years old, was in his bed, the cover on the nose. Outside there was a storm. His eyes were wide opened. The rain was loud, hitting the roof and the window of his room. The wind was blowing and the shadows were moving. A huge white flash illuminated his room. He hid under the cover and few seconds later he heard a powerful sound. His heart was beating very fast. He was shaking. Something was knocking. Courageously he put down the cover. There was a monster looking at him by the window! He screamed, jumped out of his bed, opened the door and ran to the bedroom of his parents. “Mom! Mom! There is a monster looking at me,” he said, crying. “Oh sweetheart. It’s your imagination. There is no monster,” Katrina explained with a sweet voice. “I swear, Mom. Can I sleep with you?” he begged. “Let’s go to your bedroom. I’m sure that there is no monster.” She quitted the warm bed, held the hand of her son and went to his room. She turned on the light. “Do you see any monster?” she asked. “He was there,” the little boy showed the window. They walked there together. And she explained that his monster was probably the tree in the garden. He had nothing to worry about. When he was in his bed again, she kissed his forehead and let the door half opened.

Because of the storm Janne Ahonen couldn’t sleep. He was in his bed and was thinking of his situation. He was glad that the women of the neighborhood asked for his help. But because they were desperate and most of them were unlucky with their husband, he finally accepted to offer them some nice moments. And he got quickly some money that he gave half to Havu to pay the rent of the flat. If he was a girl, he would be a bitch. And he didn’t like that idea. He was glad that Vellu saved him from that situation. He offered him a job in his company and he was away almost the whole day. At the moment he was learning in the kitchen to cook healthy food. Not the one he was doing in Santa Hamina. There the clients were policemen, businessmen, salesmen and so one. But he was determined to learn more and get soon a better job. Maybe in that company. Vellu seemed to be a nice boss and the colleagues were friendly. But his fear was the reaction of someone in the neighborhood if he discovered his secret. That situation was a shame and he didn’t know how to end it. It was haunting him, haunting his nights, breaking his dreams. In the darkness he was vulnerable. It was the reason why he turned on the light of his night desk.

Harri Olli was in his bed, lay on the side, the knees to the chest and the cover to the chin. His eyes were opened but he closed them at every thunder flash. He knew exactly how the thunder phenomenon worked but he was scared. The sound was so powerful. And he had the feeling that the ground was moving. He wanted to sleep but he had the fear to do again the same dream. He imagined that Nina was waiting for him in the kitchen after work. He arrived with flowers to celebrate their wedding anniversary but she took a knife and opened his belly. When he was on the floor she was extracting his intestines while laughing. Then she put her hand inside and was looking for something. She was closed to him and her hair was touching his face. She laughed like a witch. His eyes were fixing her hand. She had his beating heart between her fingers. “I love you too, Harri.” And she bit in his heart. He always woke up, covered of sweat drops and the heart beating as fast as the engine of a race car at 300km/h. That night he wanted to sleep. He was tired. But he was scared to close his eyes. He never liked monsters. But was his wife a monster? He thought that she had something devilish in her behavior. He thrilled.

Janne Happonen was sat on his sofa looking at the storm. It reminded him some scary nights he had when he was a kid. He never liked thunder. But year after year he learnt that when he was at home there was only a very small percentage of chance for the thunder to burn the house. Nevertheless he still had some fear. But the thunder wasn’t the reason why he was sat on the sofa. He was thinking of Matti. How could he live when he knows that he could die whenever? And why him? Was he such a bad guy? Did he deserve it? Janne hoped that he would not get a phone call to announce that his friend is gone. Every morning he had to ensure that he was fine. He knew that he had to go to sleep. But every time he closed his eyes, he was thinking of Matti. The previous night he woke up crying like a kid. He had the fear of the dark.

Matti Hautamäki was sat in his bed, the cover on his legs, the pillow behind his back and the light on. He had his glasses on his nose and he was writing in his diary. He was writing his feelings, his secrets, his fears. It was a messy text. There was no structure. He just wrote what came to his mind. He wondered if someone would once read it. It didn’t matter. That text looked like the person he was: messy, sarcastic, pessimistic but also sensitive. He was really tired and it was very later. It was almost four in the morning. But he had the fear of the dark, not of the storm outside. It meant a lot to him since a year. What would happen if he didn’t wake up? He looked again at the book and thought if he wrote all what was important. He hoped so. He went under the cover, caught the remote of his hifi on his night desk and played a song before to fall asleep. He wrote an SMS to Cassandra to tell her how he loved her, then he looked at a picture of his family on his night desk, turned off the light and closed his eyes.

It waits for the day
I will let it out
To give it a reason
To give it its mind

I fear who I am becoming
I fear that I'm losing the struggle within
I can no longer restrain me
My strength it is fading,
I have to give in

It's the fear
Fear of the dark, it's growing inside of me
That one day will come to life
(Have to save) to save my beloved, there is no escape
Because my faith is horror and doom

It’s the fear – Within Temptation

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25. Never again

November 22nd

“This will be awesome guys!” said Arttu Lappi very enthusiastic. He was in a room with the musicians of the band The Kroisos. Their gig was scheduled in less than an hour on the stage of a bar. Jussi Hautamäki just raised his shoulders. “Let’s see.” “Oh yes, it will be fantastic! The audience loves you guys! Can you already feel how excited they are?” the lawyer asked. “Take it easy. But yeah, you’re right. We’re the kings on the stage,” Anssi Koivuranta said while he finished his beer. Was it beer number 3? 4? 7? 10? He was unable to remember. “I’m sorry. I’m late. The train was stacked between Pasila and Helsinki,” Janne Ahonen justified. “No problem man. You’re on time. Have you learnt the lyrics of the new songs?” Anssi asked. “Which new songs? What are you talking about?” Ahonen asked a bit worried. “Ville sent you by email the new lyrics. The melody is known it’s…,” Jussi replied. “But I don’t have a computer! Fuck,” Janne swore and lighted a cigarette. “Where the hell is Ville?” Anssi asked when he saw that the gig would start in 20 minutes. They couldn’t be late, or not too much, because a band was playing at the moment and then another one was playing after them.

“I know that it’s a bit late to tell you but I will get married in January and you are all invited,” Anssi confessed. “What? So soon? Congratulations man,” Jussi said to his band mate. “When is it exactly?” Arttu Lappi asked. “On January 24th in Kuusamo. But I’ll send you a real invitation with all the details,” he promised. “Kuusamo? Hum… that’s far away,” Janne almost complained. If he was going there he would have to ask Vellu for a day off. Maybe more because in general after the wedding everybody has a hangover for four days. “Yes, it’s far away but it’s easier for my family,” Anssi justified. “It will be fun to play at your wedding,” Jussi said.

Ville arrived five minutes before the gig… totally drunk. The other members were upset. “I don’t believe it! You are drunk and the other singer didn’t learn the lyrics!” Jussi complained. But they had no time to talk about it or to a possible solution. It was their turn.

“Hello guys and sexy girls. Are you ready?” Ville asked with a broken voice. He just heard some low yes. So typical from Finns. “I didn’t hear you!” And then he got the answer he was waiting for. Anssi played the first notes on the drum. And then the others followed. They started with Every day is like Monday. But Ville was singing so loud and so wrong that some people booed. Janne Ahonen was singing at the same time but Ville was lost and not following the rhythm. In the public Arttu was biting his inferior lip. That was horrible. “And now we have a new song!” Ville screamed in the microphone. “No Ville, not now!” Anssi whispered. But it was too later. Ville started to sing before the music started. Janne Ahonen was singing with a paper and again the public didn’t appreciated. Someone threw a can of beer. “Thank you guys. But after we can have a drink,” Ville replied to the attack with a wide smile. Some people were leaving, some others were booing.

“It’s enough! I stop it now! Never again!” Anssi said very angry to Ville. The gig was a disaster and even their most faithful fan didn’t like the show. “We are not as famous as before to perform like this. We don’t have German groupies anymore,” Jussi said. “Let’s have a gig in Germany!” Ville proposed, very excited. “For me, it’s enough! Goodbye guys,” Anssi Koivuranta said. And let the others discussing about the future of the band. “We have to find a new drummer,” Ville said calmly. “It’s just a loss of time. And I don’t want to be ridiculous or to be in an article of Seiska. I quit too,” Janne Ahonen said. “We don’t need you. I’m the singer of The Kroisos! Go away!” Ville screamed.

When Ville and Jussi were alone, Ville was trying to find a solution. “I know how to be famous!” “How?” asked Jussi who was ready to hear anything coming from a drunken man. “We need Harri Olli and Matti Nykänen!” “Let’s talk about it another day. You are drunk. I drive you home,” Jussi said.

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26. Flying Friends dessert

December 15th

Janne Ahonen was proud of him. He spent his Saturday morning in the kitchen to prepare a dessert. He did several little caramel flans, remembering a recipe that his grandmother taught him. He was sat and looked at his creation. The caramel was perfectly pouring along the vanilla flan. The flan was stiff. He took his spoon and cut slowly the flan. The texture looked good inside. Then he smelled the spoon. It reminded nice memories of his childhood. He closed his eyes and brought the spoon in his mouth. It was like thirty eight years ago. He was proud of him. It was a pity that his grandmother was not there anymore. Nevertheless he decided to share his dessert with his neighbors.

“Hi Havu. I’ve made some caramel flans and I wanted to share some with you and Maria. You remember when we were living in Pasila I was a bad cook and now I’d like to change this opinion that you have about me.” “That’s really sweet from you. We just finished eating and it’s the perfect moment for a dessert. Please come in,” Janne Happonen invited.

Janne Happonen fell in love for that dessert. It was so delicious that he didn’t know how to express his feeling. “That’s wonderful Janne! You should propose to Vellu to include it in the menu list. Or you can open a café and serve only that dessert. It’s amazing. I’m out of words to describe it,” Havu said after the first bit. “Congratulations. It’s the best I ever ate in my life,” Maria added and Janne smiled. His cheeks were reddish. “Do you have some more?” Havu asked. “Janne! Don’t eat too many sweets,” Maria warned. “It’s not for me. I’d like if it’s okay for you to give one to a friend.” “Yes, sure. I’ve still six in my fridge. Come to my flat. I’ll prepare a plastic box for the travel,” Ahonen said.

Havu drove through the city to Herttoniemi. He rang at the intercom and waited. The door opened two minutes later. Like very often, the door of the flat was opened. He knocked and said that he was there. “I’ve a surprise for you. Where are you?” he asked and heard a quiet voice saying here. He closed the door and walked to the bedroom. “Are you okay?” he asked when he saw Matti in his bed, the curtains closed. “Yes… I’m okay. My brother visited an hour ago and he was mad because I sold my car. He wanted to have it. But you know, Janne. I’m not strong enough to give arguments or even to ask him to calm down. I hope that he will forgive me. I was unable to tell that I sold it because I don’t need it anymore,” Matti explained. “I’m sure that he will forgive,” Havu said while he sat on the bed. “Maybe you should sleep for half an hour and then I will share something with you.” “What?” Matti asked in a low voice. “You’ll see. Sleep well,” Janne kissed his forehead, left the room and let the door opened of fifteen centimeters.

When it was time he went back to the room and woke his friend up. He needed some minutes to come back to reality and to get up. Matti sat at the table of the living room and waited. He wondered what Havu was doing in his kitchen. Havu came back with two plates, one in each hand and was walking carefully. “What is it?” Matti asked. “Caramel flans that Ahonen made. They are delicious,” he said when he put the plate in front of Matti. “I think that it can be even better if you can go to the freezer and bring some vanilla ice cream,” Matti suggested and Havu thought that it was an excellent idea. “Something is missing.” “What?” Havu said. “Rane made the flan. I added the ice cream. And you? You have to add something and it will be the dessert of the flying friends,” Matti laughed. Havu was thinking. “I’ve an idea!” And he ran to the kitchen. Less than two minutes later Havu came back with grilled almonds he just made in a pan. He put them on the top of the ice cream ball. “Now it looks perfect,” Matti said. After the first bit the two friends concluded that the Flying Friends dessert was the best dessert ever invented.

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27. The handkerchief

“Which music do you want to listen?” “I don’t mind. Anything good. And nothing heavy. No heavy metal, house or hard rock,” Janne Happonen answered. “I know what I will play. Do you know Epica?” “No,” Janne answered. “It’s a metal symphonic band from the Nederland. They are fantastic. And this album is special. It’s called the Classical Conspiracy. They are playing classical music. I know you don’t like it as I can see your face. I play a song and if you don’t like I choose another CD,” Matti explained. He chose the track number seven: Montagues & Capulets. “Can you feel all the power of music? How it describes the hatred of these two families? Close your eyes and let your imagination telling you the story of Romeo and Juliet.” Janne did it but he thought that previously Matti was a heroin addict and now he was a music addict. In a way it was funny to see how he was spaced out. At least music would not kill him and it was nice to see him happy.

“How is it going with your girlfriend?” Havu asked. “It’s okay. Nothing special. We know how it will end.” “Or is she just a friend? It’s strange how you are talking about her,” Havu insisted. “It’s not a normal relationship as you know it. We are not living together but we love each other. Do you want also to know if we have sex?” Havu was embarrassed. “It’s a platonic love. If you don’t know what it means, there is a dictionary on the shelf,” Matti showed with his finger. “I’m sorry if I offended. It was not my aim. I just wanted to know if you lived another failure. It’s hard to live and if you needed to talk I was here. I’m an expert. I’ve been divorced twice and I broke up many times too,” Havu explained. “My apologize. I should not have reacted that way. Do you want another coffee?” Matti proposed and Havu accepted.

“You can take all what you want here,” Matti said when he saw that Havu was looking at his bookshelf. “It’s your stuff, your memories, your life. I can’t,” Janne replied. “Don’t be silly. I will not take my mess with me. I’ll be glad if you take something that will remind me.” “But Matti… it’s like to admit that you are already dead.” Matti opened his drawer. “Take my medals. If my brother finds them he will sell them to the first idiot to get some money. You can keep them or give them to a museum. Here is my collection of matches’ boxes. I’ve 9856 different boxes from 1989 till now and from 81 countries. If you open a box you will find a little piece of paper with the year and the country written,” Matti explained. Janne Happonen was impressed by the size of the collection which was hidden in a basket in a cupboard. “Or maybe you would like to have some clothes? I’m just one centimeter shorter than you.” Havu was not at ease. He really hated what Matti was doing. And to take something meant to push him a little bit more in the cemetery. In the bedroom Matti took the clothes he was wearing more than two years ago. “Please take whatever you want.” “Matti, please. Sit next to me,” Havu said quietly when he saw that the tears were coming in Matti’s eyes. “You don’t need to do it now. This is still your flat, your clothes and everything.” “Janne, I will go soon for a long journey and I would like that my friends don’t forget me… at least not too quickly.” Janne hugged his friend for a little while.

Matti opened the drawer of his night desk. “I’d like to give you that.” It was a white handkerchief with the name Matti embroidered in dark blue. “When I was a kid and I was at my grandparents’ place I was very often sad and I cried especially when it was bed time. I missed my mother. Well I was under five years old. My grandmother was always telling me a story, waiting that I fell asleep. One day she gave me that handkerchief and told me that it was not to blow my nose. It was to collect my tears and send them to a far country where people have not enough water to drink. I always had it with me since that day. I’d like to give it to you.” “Oh Matti, this is a really valuable gift. But are you sure that you don’t want to keep it any longer?” “Maybe I will not wake up tomorrow morning. Who knows? Please keep it. And remember: only tears,” Matti repeated.

When Matti was tired again Janne Happonen left the flat with the handkerchief, the medals, the matches’ collection, a shirt and the CD of Epica, the Classical Conspiracy. When he looked at the objects once he was in his car he wondered if a life could be resumed just with that. And if he knew that he would die, which objects would he chose to resume his life? Hard question. When he saw a tear in his right eye in the mirror of the car he used the handkerchief.

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28. Christmas in Finland

December 24th

The snow was covering the whole country. Many people were running in the stores to buy the last gifts or the forgotten food. The sky was already dark. But the Christmas lights were lightening the streets. At home everything was decorated. The children were excited to open their gifts, the mothers were cooking and the fathers were warming the sauna. Anssi Koivuranta was in Kuusamo in Northern Finland. It was his native town and all his family was living there. He planned to stay there a whole week in order to prepare his wedding. He was quite in a hurry because he thought that it was easy to organize. But he learnt that he had to create the decoration of the dining room, to choose the music, to find entertainment, to find hotel rooms for the guests who would participate to the party after the dinner, to order the right number of flowers and so on. After a good traditional meal at his parent’s place with his uncles and aunts, Santa Claus brought him a new electrical guitar. “Oh this is so great! It’s exactly the one I was dreaming of. Thank you.”

A bit more on the North West in Rovaniemi, Harri Olli was doing ice fishing on a lake. He was sat on a chair, alone, since two hours. He was wearing very warm clothes because it was freezing. He moved his stick and looked at the water. There was no movement. Where were the fishes? He hope to bring home a nice present for his parents. He still had three hours to succeed. He thought that the following year he should find another idea. What could it be? He thought about buying a reindeer. And to offer the meat to his family. His mother had really good recipes. His favorite one was the reindeer stew with carrots, potatoes and onions. At four o’clock, he left the ice and drove back to his parents’ home. He was happy to offer them two salmons. The biggest one was weighting more than four kilos. He was satisfied and his mother was happy.

The four little Lindström were opening their gifts with energy. They were tearing up the paper and transforming the living room in a big mess. They were screaming and very happy. Veli-Matti and Katrina were sat on the sofa and were looking at the show. It was so pleasant to see these wide smiles on their faces. Christmas was a beautiful event, especially with children. In the garden earlier in the afternoon they made a snowman and Veli-Matti lighted the candles to help Santa to find their house. The old man arrived at three o’clock and asked if the children had been kind during the year. Of course they said yes. Each child sat on his knees and had a picture. Then Vellu used the timer to take a family photo with the old man with the long white beard. But after the picture, Kimi pulled the beard. “It’s not Santa! It’s Havu!” And the little boy started to cry. Janne caught a gift and gave it to him. And the incident was forgotten. The fake Santa left plenty of gifts and went back to his home.

In the house of the Happonen they celebrated Christmas in another way. They mixed the Finnish and Brazilian traditions. Christmas was not only the gift celebration. They were waiting for midnight when Jesus was born. They had a crèche in wood with Joseph, Maria, the beef, the donkey, the sheep and the three wise men. The couple Happonen invited their neighbor Ahonen to celebrate with them. It was too sad to be alone that day. His son was celebrating with the new family of Tiia and he had no envy to spend it with the new boyfriend of his ex. During the afternoon, Janne helped Maria to prepare the Christmas meal. She cooked a turkey in a sweet sauce with tropical fruits. She hoped that the both Janne would appreciate. Her husband had some difficulties to accept to don’t eat the traditional ham. Ahonen was preparing some glöggi and the dessert. He was doing some gingerbread. It was not difficult to do but long.

During that time Janne Happonen drove to Herttoniemi. In that flat the Christmas celebrations started around four o’clock. Jussi Hautamäki opened the door of the flat. It was the first time since a while that Havu saw him well dressed. He had a light blue shirt and a dark grey trouser. “Merry Christmas,” he wished to the visitor. “Merry Christmas Jussi.” Janne entered and met Cassandra for the first time. She prepared a simple menu including the traditional ham. She was wearing a purple shirt, a black skirt and a silver necklace. “How is Matti?” Havu asked. “Not that well. He is always tired and he is coughing a lot. I hope that he can celebrate a little bit with us,” she explained while she prepared a salad. Havu knocked very gently to the door of the bedroom and entered. The light of the night desk was on. His eyes were closed and he seemed to sleep. His mouth was a little bit opened and he was breathing quietly. Janne didn’t want to wake him up. It was hard for him to look at his friend. He took the handkerchief of his pocket and erased a tear. Then he left the room.

Jussi was finishing setting the table while some Christmas songs were played. There was a red sheet, a rounded golden candle in the middle, dark green napkins and white plates. Janne saw that there were four plates. “Are you waiting for someone?” he asked. “No, everybody is here,” Jussi said. Janne answered that he was not going to stay but Jussi insisted. For Matti. Finally Havu accepted. When the meal was ready to be served Jussi went to the bedroom. Havu helped Cassandra to bring the food on the table and lighted the candle. Jussi arrived some minutes later with his brother. He was holding him. Matti seemed to don’t have energy left. In the light he looked like a phantom. Havu was a bit scared of this image. “Hi Matti. Merry Christmas,” Havu wished. “Thanks. Merry Christmas to you. And thanks for coming. I hope that I’m not ruining your day,” he said in a low voice before to cough. “No, not at all. I’m very happy to be here.”

Havu saw that when Matti was eating all this gestures were really slow and clumsy. He seemed to have some difficulties to hold his fork and knife. All the bones of his hands were visible. Janne had a knot in his stomach. He was seeing the reality. Sometimes Matti was coughing. Havu was a bit scared that he fell of the chair or brought up. After a little while Matti asked his brother to bring him back to his bedroom. Janne didn’t react. He was a bit shocked. He was looking at Matti’s plate which was only half eaten. He was sad to notice that he was probably eating less than a child of five years old. “Are you okay, Janne?” Cassandra asked. “Not really... What happened in ten days? He was not like this when I visited last time. He was in his bed but he was able to talk longer. He got up and walked by himself. He made a coffee.” “Janne, I know that it’s hard. But you have to admit that he cannot win. Every day he is getting worse,” she explained in a low voice. “Do you know if he suffers?” “Not too much. I’m taking care of him.” “Don’t you think that he should go to the hospital? Maybe they can save him,” Havu asked. “No, he doesn’t want. And there they cannot save him either. They can only help him to live a little bit longer. But it’s just some more days to suffer. We have to respect his choice.” Before to leave, Janne went to the bedroom and kissed Matti’s forehead. “Thanks again for being my friend and for coming. I’m sorry to make you sad,” he murmured, the eyes closed. “I promised to be always there for you. I’d like to help you more but I can’t. Take care.” Havu hoped that it was not the last time he saw him.

When he was back home Havu had some difficulties to be in a real Christmas mood. “You don’t like the turkey?” Maria asked a bit worried. She knew that it was a special meal and that Janne didn’t really like the mix of sweet and salt. “I’m not very hungry. But it’s not bad.” “You need more wine,” Rane said while he was filling his glass. Later in the evening the trio went to the Catholic Church to assist to the nativity mass. For the two Finns, it was the first time they entered that church. They were Lutherans and not Catholics. During the ceremony, Havu asked God in his prays to be kind with Matti and to bring him to heaven. What he saw that afternoon was totally unfair. He also prayed for all his friends and his family who was in Kuopio.

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29. The so loved snow

January 14th,2023

Since Christmas Janne Happonen was visiting Matti as often as he could. Some days he was better but most of the time he was very bad. He had a copy of the keys of the flat to enter whenever he wanted. The cats were not there anymore. Jussi decided to adopt them. They were living with his snake and his tarantula. “Hi Matti. It’s Havu,” he always said when he entered. He wanted that Matti knew that someone was in his flat. He went to the room and saw that the doors of his wardrobe were opened and that he was wearing a warm shirt over another shirt. “What are you doing?” Janne asked. “I want to see the snow. Help me to get dressed or go away.” “Eh Matti calm down. You know that it’s not good for you to go out. It’s too cold. Today it’s -12°C and it’s snowing,” Havu explained. “I don’t care. It’s the last time I’ll touch snow.” Havu helped Matti who was determined but he was certain that it was a bad idea.

Once they were ready Havu held Matti firmly. In the elevator Janne asked again if he was okay and Matti acquiesced. They opened the door and walked a bit outside. For Matti it was the first time that he was going outside since two months. The cold was biting his face and the light dazzled. His eyes were half closed. But what he liked the most was to feel the snowflakes on his face. He caught one with his tongue and smiled. He was doing that when he was a kid and was remembering some nice moments he spent. He took off one of his gloves and touched the snow. It was a strange feeling. It was cold. But he knew it. Snow was part of his life. It brought him joy and sorrow. He was thinking to his victory on his hill in Kuopio in 2005 in front of his public. He also remembered Planica two years earlier when he broke the world record. Snow brought him tears of joy. But also tears of sorrow. Every time he fell. But also when the medal was so close. Like in Salt Lake City when with the team he missed the gold for 0.1 point. He remembered also the Olympic Games in Vancouver in 2010 when the team missed the bronze. The list of failures was long. He had so many tears of sorrow. “Let’s go back,” Janne Happonen said but Matti didn’t answer. He was looking at kids playing in the snow a bit further. Havu decided that it was time to go. He took Matti’s arm and they walked to the building. “Goodbye snow.”

The following days Matti was very sick. He stayed only in his bed, coughing a lot and Cassandra had to add a drip. Havu felt guilty because he thought that it was because of the trip outside. It was so nice to see Matti happy for few minutes. But the price to pay in exchange was high. “Matti, I will stay with you. I will not go to the wedding of Anssi.” “You have to go. Anssi is starting a new life. And a wedding is a celebration to love. Love is more important than anything else. I’ll wait for you. I promise,” Matti said in a very low voice and the eyes almost closed. Havu was sat on the bed and touched his hair. Matti opened his eyes and looked at Janne. “I’ll be okay,” he said with a shy smile. “I count on you. Take care. I love you.” And Havu kissed his forehead.

“What does he have?”Havu asked Cassandra when he was in the living room. “He has pneumonia.” “How long will he survive?” “I don’t know. He can stay like this for weeks or to die tomorrow.” “I don’t know what to do. I’d like to stay but he told me to go to Anssi’s wedding. If I go I’ve to leave tomorrow and I’ll be back on Sunday. Can you ensure that he survive three days. I’d like to say goodbye. But not too early.” “I’ll do my best,” she promised.

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30. Tears of joy and sorrow

January 24th

Finally Janne Happonen travelled 1300km to Kuusamo with his wife and his neighbor. There they saw that Veli-Matti Lindström was present but alone. A little bit later Harri and Nina Olli arrived. “Welcome my dear friends,” Anssi said before the ceremony started. “I hope that you had a nice trip. Oh Harri, may I ask you if you can play the guitar or the drum?” “What? Why?” the ex-jumper from Rovaniemi asked. “Jussi is not there. He said that he had some family business to deal with and I planned to play a couple of songs with The Kroisos,” Anssi explained a bit embarrassed. “Okay I can play the guitar. But it’s just because it’s your wedding. It’s unique and will never happen again, okay?” Harri insisted. “Sure,” Anssi confirmed.

During the ceremony in the church Happonen was all the time checking his phone. “Can you stop it and have a bit of respect for your friend?” Maria requested in a low voice. Harri was reading the paper that Anssi gave him to learn the songs. He was not really listening to the ceremony. Nina was not very happy about it. But it was Harri and she would never change him. He had not respect for the church. At the fifth row Arttu Lappi was happy to sing some songs full of joy and hope, celebrating love. He was surprised to feel tears of joy in his eyes. Veli-Matti got three SMS in less than three minutes. He wondered what was going on at home. He took his phone and read. The messages were empty or had few characters. It was probably one of his boys which was playing with his wife’s phone. Bad kids. Janne Ahonen was thinking of his family. He didn’t know why at that moment. When he looked at the church he was remembering his wedding with Tiia. But he shook his head and tried to forget it. Past was the past.

During that time in Herttoniemi Jussi Hautamäki was taking care of his brother. “You should eat something. At least a bit,” he tried to convince. “I’m not hungry,” Matti answered in a very low voice. So low that it was difficult to hear it. “May I do something for you?” “Yes... can you play... the swan song... from Within... Temptation,” Matti requested with difficulties, coughing and again in a very low voice. Jussi got up, went to the living room and was looking for the CD. Then he went back to the bedroom and played it.

Winter has come for me, can't carry on.
The chains to my life are strong but soon they'll be gone.
I'll spread my wings one more time.

Is it a dream?
All the ones I have loved calling out my name.
The sun warms my face.
All the days of my life, I see them passing me by.

In my heart I know I can let go.
In the end I will find some peace inside.
New wings are growing tonight.

Is it a dream?
All the ones I have loved calling out my name.
The sun warms my face.
All the days of my life, I see them passing me by.

As I am soaring I'm one with the wind.
I am longing to see you again, it's been so long.
We will be together again.

Is it a dream?
All the ones I have loved calling out my name.
The sun warms my face.
All the days of my life, I see them passing me by.

“Oh Matti! This song is wonderful. I’ve tears in my eyes,” Jussi said that the end of the song. He was not a fan of metal and classical music but he really liked that song. The lyrics were beautiful and also the music.

In Kuusamo all the guests were having a drink and eating handmade cakes and biscuits. “I don’t really want to play. It will be a fiasco,” Harri complained. “I’m sure it will be fine. It’s not that difficult,” Ahonen reassured. “Have you tried the pineapple cake? It’s really refreshing,” Veli-Matti said. Suddenly Happonen’s phone rang. He almost jumped and caught it. When he saw that the call came from Jussi he was stressed. “Excuse me,” he said to his friend and walked quickly to the corridor. “Hey guys, let’s get ready for the first song,” Anssi said when he joined them.

Arttu was coming back from the bathroom when he saw Janne Happonen slipping along the wall to the floor and crying. “Oh Havu, what’s up?” he said after have sat next to him but Havu was unable to answer. He wanted to say something but his words were drowning in his tears. His face was reddish and he had to breathe with his mouth. Arttu comforted how he could and gave a tissue. Havu blew his nose. “Matti is dead,” he said between two tears. “Oh my God...” For Arttu it was a shock. He just saw Matti at the housewarming party of Havu almost a year ago. “He promised to wait. Why? Why now? I didn’t have time to say goodbye,” Janne said, looking at the wall in front. The tears couldn’t stop running on his cheeks. Arttu was a bit confused because he didn’t know what Havu meant. “We should tell it to the others,” Arttu proposed. In the background they heard that The Kroisos was starting a song. “When they finish playing,” Havu said, blowing his nose again.

When they were back to the room, they saw that everybody was smiling or laughing. Havu sat again in the middle of his friends. “What happened to you? You look bad,” Harri said directly to Havu. “Are you okay?” Veli-Matti asked. Maria was hugging her husband who stayed mute. Arttu went to Anssi and told him the terrible news. He was under shock. Nevertheless he took a microphone. “My dear guests. I’m sorry to interrupt the ceremony but I’ve something important to tell you. You probably saw that Harri played in steed of Jussi, our usual bassist. The reason was that he is in Helsinki with his brother. And... unfortunately his brother Matti died few minutes ago. Matti was also a good friend. Well... I’d like that we keep silent for a minute. For Matti,” Anssi said. His head was down and he felt some tears running on his cheeks. All the guests were under shock, especially the little group who knew Matti.

Janne Happonen was looking at the sky by the window. It was three o’clock but it was already dark. He never noticed that there were so many stars in the sky. He wondered if Matti was there. He hoped that he was not suffering anymore. His last visits were quite difficult to live. “I’ll never, never forget you. You are my friend forever.” He took the handkerchief and erased his tears. It was tears of sorrow but also tears of joy. He lost a friend but this friend was in peace. He smiled and hoped that he was happy where he was.

The end

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