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In the other house it was sauna time. Because it wasn’t big they had to make two groups. The first one was composed by Veli-Matti, Olli and Rane. They were all drunk but it was not too bad. The sauna helped them to feel a bit more sober. “I’m not used anymore to drink that much,” Vellu complained. “You’re not the only one. But I’ve to admit that with friends it’s really nice. And this sauna is a good idea,” Janne confessed. “I don’t know how I will go home. Trains are not running and taxi is too expensive,” Olli said before to throw some water on the stove. The cloud of steam caressed their skin. The sweat came immediately and the drops were running on their hot bodies. The thermometers showed 92 degrees. “Olli, you will spend the night here or at my place. You can’t go back to Lahti,” Veli-Matti said after a little break. “But I’ve to be at the hill at 10!” he reminded. “You’ll be late and have a bad hangover,” Vellu promised. “Come to my flat and I’ll wake you up at 7. Then I’ll make a cocktail that will kill your hangover in ten minutes,” Rane promised. “You are crazy. I’ve to get out of here. I feel bad,” Olli said before to exit the sauna. Vellu and Janne were smiling when they heard that he was throwing up. “Maybe he’ll be sober before than expected,” Rane said and Vellu laughed.

When they finished it was the turn of the second group. Anssi felt quite uncomfortable. Havu and Arttu were silent. “Nice evening,” he said to break the silence. “Yeah nice evening,” Arttu repeated. He felt that he drank too much. His head and his stomach were hurting. Havu threw some water. “What’s wrong guys? Are you sick?” Anssi asked while he looked at his two friends. “No, we are not sick. Not yet,” Havu answered. “Please, tell something,” Anssi requested. He was thinking of leaving this sauna. He didn’t like the atmosphere. Maybe he should let them alone and talk about their problems. After the second cloud of steam he decided to leave, saying that he needed to breathe some fresh air. He took his towel and went on the terrace. Rane was smoking his cigarette and Vellu and Olli were laughing. They seemed to have fun. The contrast was huge with the two guys in the sauna. “Already out?” Ahonen asked when he saw Anssi. “Yeah, it’s too hot and Arttu and Havu are boring,” he complained.

“Why do you ruin the evening?” Happonen asked. “I’m not. It’s you that say nothing. You are the host,” Arttu replied. “Why are you mad at me? Still because of the discussion at the restaurant?” Janne referred. “I’m not mad at you. I still just don’t get what you are doing with Nina. We were friends. What changed? What happened to our friendship?” Arttu asked. “Good question. I think that it’s because you don’t trust me.” “What? But I maybe don’t trust you because you are lying all the time. How can I trust you? Don’t you remember the discussion we had with Tami at the Ekberg Café some years ago about Harri and his wife? I’ve the feeling that you changed that day when you refused to help us to save Harri. And now he is dead,” the lawyer reminded. “He is dead because of Tami and you. You had in mind that Nina was a monster but you never talked to her. You never tried to understand the situation. Because you trusted Harri who was one of our friends. Have you ever thought that he might be wrong? I have. I talked to Nina. And I can tell you that neither Harri nor Nina is perfect. But I still can’t accept that you preferred to let Harri dies than to bring him to the hospital. Just because you thought that Nina would kill him. For me Tami is a bad guy but you are a monster. You did nothing to save him,” Havu told. He thought that it was necessary that his former friend understood his point of view. Arttu was embarrassed. Havu was not wrong. He did nothing. But he was afraid. “Did you talk about me in that Tami-Harri story to other people?” Arttu asked, worried. “No. And do you know why? Because we are friends. I also protect my friends. My colleagues asked me to make a list of our common friends. I didn’t write your name,” Janne admitted. “Really? Why did you do it?” “I told you. Because we are a family and you never betray your own family.”

After the sauna and a couple of more drinks Havu proposed to play cards or to talk about anything. But his friends had something else in mind. Olli had a big smile and took the DVD he offered. “Oh no, please. Not tonight,” the host begged but his ex-teammates insisted. “Drink that before to sing,” Rane said while he gave his a shot glass. “What’s inside?” “Shut up and drink,” he replied. Havu drank it at once. It was powerful and hot. It was certainly vodka. He felt that he couldn’t stand up. He had to sit on the sofa. Olli gave him the microphone and he selected the first song. The text appeared after ten seconds of introduction. But the text was so small and fast that he was unable to read. He did his best but most of the words were missing. All his friends were laughing. Arttu laughed so much that he was crying. The poor Havu knew that he was bad but he was too drunk to reply. Anssi saved the situation, took the microphone and sang the end of the song. But he was also drunk and was not singing right.

The friends were tired and half sleeping on the sofa. Veli-Matti Lindström didn’t have much difficulties to come back home. He just had to cross the road, to open the door and to go to his bed. But he couldn’t remember that there were so many stairs. Janne Ahonen had still some energy left and went to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and had a look. Could he save the end of the evening or would they just sleep in the living room? He took some ingredients that he put in the blender. The noise woke Arttu up. He didn’t realize that he was almost sleeping. He looked at his phone and saw that it was very late. “I think that I’ll go home,” he said with a broken voice. “Drink that before,” Rane said when he was back in the living room with a trail. The lawyer took it and smelled. “What the Hell is that?” he complained. “Close your eyes and drink,” the barman said. He obeyed and almost threw up. The taste was really horrible. He put his hand on his mouth and swallowed slowly. His face was reddish and he didn’t know how he survived. He breathed deeply a couple of times. “Are you okay, man?” Rane asked. “I think,” the lawyer answered, still breathless. But some minutes later he didn’t feel sober but much better. Nevertheless he couldn’t drive. He called a taxi and left the party twenty minutes later with Anssi who also drank the horrible cocktail. They preferred to ignore what were the ingredients. Rane went to the terrace once more to smoke a cigarette. When he was back inside he touched the shoulder of Olli who was sleeping on Havu. Rane smiled. They looked like an old couple. But Olli was just making some strange noises like a bear in a deep forest. Janne decided to call a taxi for himself. On the table of the kitchen he wrote a note saying that the hangover killer was in the fridge and he signed: your beloved barman. He smiled and exited the house.

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6. Feeling old

August 27th

After work Arttu went to play squash with his colleagues. It was the first time since a long while and his body was hurting. Was he already old? He drove home and just wanted to relax. When he opened the door he heard some loud music. He went upstairs and identified the source. It was coming from the room of his daughter. She was singing with a tube of glue in her hand instead of a microphone. She was also dancing in front of her audience composed by her teddy bears and her dolls on her bed. Arttu was smiling. When the song was over he applauded and the singer was surprised. “Dad? What are you doing here?” the young girl with long brown hair asked. “I was looking at the show. You are really talented. I love the way you sing. But what music is that?” he asked while he sat on the bed. “You don’t know Cinnamona?” “Who?” “Dad! She is the most famous singer of the world!” she exclaimed. “Maybe she is not that famous,” he justified. “No, it’s because you are old. You only listen to music for grandparents.” Arttu was a bit offended. In his opinion Kotiteollisuus, Apulanta or HIM were not music for old people.

“Oh Dad, I’ve to tell you that I’ve a boyfriend.” “What?” Arttu jumped. How his little daughter could already have a boyfriend? She was too young. “What is his name? Where did you meet him? How old is he? Since how long are you together? I want to know everything,” the father requested. “Dad, it’s my life. It’s Leevi. My classmate. He is really kind.” “They are all kind at the beginning. Suvi please, don’t grow up too fast. Enjoy your childhood.” “I’m not a child anymore! I’m a big girl now. I’m thirteen. How old were you when you had your first girlfriend?” she asked with a smile. “That’s not the point! Can’t you stay my little girl a little bit more?” he requested with a sweet voice. “Sorry. I’m not a baby anymore and you are old now.”

The next morning while he was looking at the pile of folders that was waiting since months on his shelf he was thinking of the discussion he had with his daughter. In the office next to his he saw that his younger colleague Antero has arrived. He got up and knocked at the door. “Do you know Cinnamona?” Arttu asked straight away. “Are you going to her concert?” Antero asked a bit surprised by the question. “How do you know her?” the oldest lawyer asked. “I’m watching MTV while I’m cleaning my golf clubs and I go sometimes to clubs to dance with my friends. You should really do it more often,” he advised. “This girl, she is like Justin Bieber when we were young,” Antero added. “Justin who?” “Oh no! Lappi! Don’t tell me that you never heard about that guy? He was really famous for two years when I was young and you weren’t that old too.” Arttu swallowed after that explanation. “Do you think I’m old?” Antero laughed. He couldn’t believe that the great Mr Lappi was concerned about his age. “Let’s say that you are getting old. But you are far from the rest-home,” he reassured with a smile. Arttu smiled back, bitter and left.

Once he was on his chair he opened his browser and wrote the name of that famous singer he didn’t know. When he saw some pictures, he had a shock. She had a crazy look a bit like the Japanese manga characters. He wore his headset and listened to a song. Well... to some seconds only. How his daughter could like such bad electronic music mixed with some sweet pop? He chose another song and it was the same.

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After work Arttu went to the Happy Hangover bar. Janne was there and noted immediately that the lawyer wasn’t in a good mood. “What’s wrong master?” Ahonen asked. “Today I realized that I’m an old guy.” “Come on! You are not old. I’m older than you and I still feel young.” Arttu raised his eyebrow. “Give me a youth elixir,” the lawyer requested to the barman. Janne smiled and composed a fruit cocktail with pineapple, orange, grapefruit, ginger and rum. He put a pink straw and a yellow umbrella in the glass. “By the way. Do you know Cinnamona?” Arttu asked. “The singer? Yes, why?” “I’m really old... I hope that your elixir is working. Otherwise I bring you to court.” “Is it some lawyer humour?” Janne asked a bit perplexed while he was looking at his friend having his drink at the bar. “My colleague laughed on me because I didn’t know Justin Bieber. Have you ever heard about him?” Arttu asked after another sip. “Well... it was long time ago but yes I remember. You missed nothing. It was bad. Maybe crap is better to define his music.” “I need another glass. Add more rum,” the lawyer ordered.

“You should not feel old because you don’t know a singer or an actor. I felt old the first time when my son got his driving license and told me: “Dad, I don’t need you anymore on the passenger seat”. But that’s life,” Janne told to his friend who had almost finished his second glass. “Don’t you have anything better to tell me?” Arttu asked before to drink the last drops of the elixir. “When I really felt old was when my son told me that I would become grandfather. That was a shock.” “Thanks! I love you. You really know how to raise my spirit.” He couldn’t believe it. Why did he come in that bar? “But you know, the most important is what you feel inside. You can be physically old but to feel like a teenager or to be twenty and to be old in your head. Come on Arttu! You are not old,” the owner of the bar tried to save the situation. The lawyer didn’t seem to get his words. He was probably still thinking that he was old. Or maybe he couldn’t think anymore. “Do you have a hangover?” Janne asked and Arttu looked at him like if he was an idiot. “Janne, stop talking. I appreciate your help but it’s useless. And no, I’m not drunk. I take an orange juice and then I go home,” the lawyer ordered and the barman executed his request in silence.

Janne Happonen entered in the bar in Kamppi with his colleague Juhanni Vartanen. They were in the area for work and they decided to have a break. “Arttu, what a surprise,” Havu said and the lawyer smiled. “Here is Juhanni my teammate and here Arttu and Janne. You can call him Rane because this dude has the same first name as me. These guys are my friends,” the policeman introduced. When everybody had a glass in the hand Arttu asked his former teammate if he thought that he was old. “If I answer yes it means that I’m also old. Well I will not say that I feel like a twenty year old boy but I don’t think that I’m already old. Let’s say that I’m getting old. Maybe when I’ll turn fifty I will reconsider it. But why do you want to know it?” Havu asked a bit lost. “Our dear friend feels old because he doesn’t know Cinnamona,” Rane almost laughed of the situation behind the desk. “Who?” Happonen answered. “Oh Havu I love you!” Arttu said before to hug. Juhanni was a bit embarrassed by the situation. “I go outside to smoke my cigarette. You can join me when your discussion is over,” the oldest policeman said and Janne noted that it was not an appropriated behaviour for a policeman. Luckily he wasn’t wearing the blue overall like the other policemen. He was an inspector and could wear his own clothes.

Arttu left the bar with Havu and they joined Juhanni who was looking at the teenagers on the stairs. They were already drinking. It was Thursday. The day of the student parties. Because the alcohol was too expensive in the clubs they bought big beer or cider packages in the regular shops and were drinking in group. “I can tell that that I feel old when I see these youngs. But it makes me happy. Soon I’ll be retired and they will go to work to pay for me. It’s not that bad to be old. You will get used to it,” Juhanni explained before to let Arttu thinking about it. Maybe Juhanni was right. But he had more than five years to work before retirement and he wanted to enjoy. He was lucky because he was healthy. His daughter was working hard at school and was not doing stupid things like the teenagers on the stairs. He just had to have an eye on her about this boyfriend story. If he wanted to go to a rock concert or to play video games he did it. No definitively Arttu wasn’t old. In his head he was still twenty-five. He smiled and drove back home listening to the music he liked... quite loudly. He was also singing and didn’t care if it was right or wrong.

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7. Broken hearts

September 8th

Katrina and Veli-Matti Lindström were with their son Kimi in the office of a psychologist to decide about the future of their 12 years old boy. Previously he killed a couple of birds for fun and two cats. He tortured also two others. The year before he convinced his little brother Juha to climb on the scale and jump from the roof and fly like a bird. Luckily the little boy just broke his arm. At school he fought very often with younger children. He already broke two teeth of a ten years old boy and also broke his glasses. Kimi was not ashamed to beat girls either. His excuses were always the same: “They deserved it.” He never regretted and never said that he was sorry. The teacher punished him often but it never stopped him. The same day he was able to be bad again. How many times his parents had to come in the office of the school director? They were ashamed and always promised that he would not do it again. At home he was very often very angry and was able to break everything for any reason. He was very impulsive. Once he gave a slap to his mother and never apologized. Katrina was still under shock.

The previous month Katrina announced to her four boys that she was pregnant again. “You will maybe have a sister!” she said with a wide smile. Juha and Aleksander were really happy about it. Oliver, the oldest, said that the house was too small for another baby. And Kimi said coldly: “You don’t know how to make girls. It will be again a stupid brother.” She was under shock. How could he speak that way? Children are the mirror of their parents. Katrina really wondered if she was such a bad mother. Who made that kid so bad? Why was he so angry and aggressive?

The previous day Juha arrived in the kitchen, crying. Katrina comforted and had to wait that he calmed down because she didn’t understand what he was saying. The face of the seven year old boy was reddish and his cheeks were covered of tears. His nose was running. The mother thought that it was probably again a quarrel between brothers or someone broke one of his toys. “Tell me sweetie. What’s wrong?” she asked when he was calm. “It’s Diablo. He doesn’t want to play with me,” the little boy said. Diablo was the rabbit that Kimi got for Christmas two years ago. Katrina got up and went to the living room with Juha. When she saw the caramel rabbit she knew that the death wasn’t natural. The poor animal had a thick carrot planted in its mouth. It probably suffered a lot and the carrot damaged everything inside. She took the rabbit and put it in a shoes box. But before to dig a grave in the garden she waited that her husband came back from work to show what happened. He couldn’t believe it. It was clearly torture.

In the evening the whole family was around the table. Veli-Matti looked serious and the boys knew that they would be punished. Juha was with a rabbit plush and his eyes were still reddish. Oliver wasn’t happy because he was supposed to play football in the yard of a neighbour. Aleksander didn’t like these kinds of meetings and Kimi was just waiting for the announcement, very calmly. “Boys, this morning Juha found the rabbit dead with a thick carrot in the throat. Who did it?” They were looking at each other. “Not me!” Aleksander said. “It’s not me too,” Oliver swore. The parents were looking at Kimi. They were quite sure that he was guilty. “Is it you?” Vellu asked. Kimi was playing with his fingers and wasn’t looking at his parents. But suddenly Vellu hit the table with his hand. The three other boys jumped. “Look at me when I’m talking to you,” the father insisted. Slowly the little boy looked at him with his ice cold blue eyes. He had a kind of sarcastic smile on his face. “Why did you do it?” Veli-Matti asked. “It’s my rabbit. Not the rabbit of Juha. Now he can’t play with it,” the little boy explained very calmly and his parents were shocked by his behaviour. They decided that it was enough and that he needed some help from professionals. He had no remorse and killing was not a problem.

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“Kimi, can you please go to the other room and wait a minute? I’ve to talk with your parents,” the psychologist requested. The boy got up and looked at his parents before to close the door. He looked sad. Katrina felt that he understood that his behaviour was wrong and he was afraid of the consequences. She wanted to get up and hugged but the psychologist said that she had to let him alone for a little while. “The situation is quite serious. Your son doesn’t understand the pity. He doesn’t think that he hurts. Now he is torturing and killing animals. His rage seems to be quite big and is growing. He is fighting with younger kids. He needs help before to injure badly someone or to kill. It’s not too late. Tell me, does he still urinate in his bed?” Veli-Matti didn’t understand why he asked for that question. What did it have to do with the problem his son had? “He is twelve,” the father replied, very surprised. “Yes, sometimes,” Katrina answered in a low voice. “Does he light some fires?” Vellu was more and more septic. “I found some matches in his room. Oh yes, now I remember. Once he put the fire on the compost. But it’s wasn’t bad. I just needed a bucket of water to stop it,” Katrina told. “Mr and Ms Lindström, your son really needs help. He cannot stay with you. He is a danger for others and for himself.” Katrina was thrilling. She was so stressed. Vellu was holding her hand on the beige sofa. “What does he have?” Veli-Matti asked. “He is emotionless, has no empathy, doesn’t understand the rights of others and doesn’t respect the social rules. He is also really impulsive and doesn’t control his actions. He is aggressive and totally irresponsible. You can punish him hundreds of times for the same action and he will repeat it. It’s a personality disorder. He is a sociopath.” “But I don’t get it. We love our children. How can he be... such a monster?” Katrina asked with tears in her eyes. “We will try to figure it out. It probably comes from his environment at home and at school and in his childhood. If you agree here is a form that you can sign. We will take care of him.” “Is it necessary?” Katrina asked while she cried. Vellu was comforting. “It’s not too late but he needs help. At home he is in danger and he is a danger for the others,” the psychologist explained. The parents read the form and signed.

When they opened the door they saw that Kimi was calmly reading a comic on the sofa of the waiting room. “Can we go home now?” he asked while he looked at his parents who were still under shock. Katrina sat next to him, closed the book and put it on the table “Oh sweetheart. I’d like that you understand that we love you. We love you so much that we want only the best for you. And you need some help. You will go for some time in a house with other children. You will be fine there and you will make new friends.” “No Mom. I want to go home. Please! Don’t leave me!” he said while he caught her shirt. “I’m sorry,” she said while the tears came back. He was hitting the sofa like a wild animal in a cage. He was so angry. Veli-Matti caught him and asked him to calm down. He did it and said that he was sorry. He promised to be a good son but it was too late. Katrina felt some pain in her chest. He heart was broken and the tears were running.

After an hour of silent driving they arrived in an isolated farm. A couple welcomed and they entered in the main house. The woman explained that the boys had to participate to the cooking and cleaning. Every day they were in the living room for two hours to learn to read, write and count and to be together. The man told that outside the boys were learning to take care for the animals and the farm in general. The Lindström saw a cow, a donkey, some chicken, rabbits, a dog, three pigs and two goats. In the other house they saw that the rooms were the boys were sleeping. It was large rooms with six to eight beds. There was also a bathroom. There was no TV and no computers. The boys were cut from the outside world. “At the moment we have eight boys. Nine with Kimi,” the man said. Outside they saw that there were only fields and forest between little hills. Nobody could escape. The other kids didn’t look at them. They had to work.

Before to leave Veli-Matti kneeled and gave a small family picture to his son. “Always remember that we love you and we’ll be always here for you. Now you are angry but maybe in a couple of years you will understand our decision. We will come to visit. And we will never forget you. You are always here, in our hearts. You are our son. We are a family,” he told. “Go away. I hate you,” the little boy said with dark sight. “See you soon Sweetheart. Mom loves you,” Katrina said while she hugged him but he pushed her back.

When they were in the car Katrina couldn’t stop looking back. Kimi was running after the car but Vellu didn’t break. She was crying when she saw her son becoming very small and then he disappeared in a cloud of dust. “My baby...” she murmured. Veli-Matti had the teeth tight. He didn’t want to cry. But his heart was also broken.

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8. Deals

November 12th

It was pretty cold and the first snow was covering the country. Nina Olli never missed a day at work. But that winter she had to admit that she was too sick and had to stay home. She was wearing warm clothes and was drinking a hot tea in front of her computer. Every two minutes she had to blow her nose that was red. She hated the flu. But it was part of the winter. Saara was spending some days with Maria. She didn’t want that her daughter got sick. She was typing a report and she had a headache. It was maybe because she was sat there since the morning. For lunch she just boiled some water for a quick soup. She was not that hungry and had no motivation to cook. Maria asked if she needed some help but she refused. She took a new tissue and blew her nose when someone rang at the door. Who could visit? She wore her wool brown jacket and came to the door. She felt like an old lady. In the entrance she saw her reflection in the mirror and was almost scared. With her unbrushed hair, red nose and greyish face she looked like an old witch. She tried quickly with her hands to make her hair better but there was only little progress.

When she opened the door she looked at the visitor. He was quite tall, skinny, with blue icy eyes. His hair was covered with a black hat and he had a thick dark grey scarf around the neck. He was wearing a long black coat and black boots. “Yes?” she asked with her sick voice and coughed in the lobby. She hoped that he would leave quickly because it was really cold outside and she was already freezing. He took off his hand from his pocket and opened a little book. “Do I know you?” she asked a bit scared. This man was weird. He didn’t say a single word. He took his pen, wrote and showed the book: “You know me. I’m Tami Kiuru and we have to talk.” She was scared. She walked one step back and wanted to close her door but she couldn’t. He was faster and blocked it. He entered and closed the door behind him. He wrote that he just wanted to talk and that she shouldn’t be afraid. She accepted unwillingly the visit and boiled some water to make tea.

He was on the sofa and was looking at the living room. It was tidy. Every object was at its own place. It was perfect. Too much for him. He got up and looked at the pictures on the bookshelf. He smiled when he saw that the pictures of Harri were still there. He missed him so much. When he heard that she was coming back he sat again. “How do you want to your tea?” she asked but he didn’t write. He took two sugar cubes, put them in his tea and mixed it. “What do you want to know or to tell me?” she asked before to blow her nose. He took his book and wrote: “I know who was in my flat the day I lost my voice. And I also know that you know who he is.” He looked at her. He was observing her reaction and he immediately saw that he was right. She was tense and stressed. Her mug was shaking. “No, I don’t know who was that person,” she replied after have coughed. He took his pen and wrote: “Let’s go to the basement and show me your laboratory.” She put her mug on the table and closed her jacket. “It’s secret. This place has to stay sterile. Harri already destroyed some of my samples when he entered. I don’t want to lose anything else. And there is nothing interesting there. Why everybody is interested in what I’m doing?” “It’s because it’s immoral,” he wrote. “Get out of my house. I’m tired. I’ve a bad flu and I need to sleep,” she told but he refused to leave. “Tell to the police that the accident of Harri wasn’t an accident. Tell what you did to him. If not, I will tell the name of my attacker.” “Are you black mailing me?” she asked, scared. The risk was huge. She couldn’t let him tell the name of the attacker. And she couldn’t also tell what she did to Harri and why. “How do you dare? You killed my husband,” she said still angry. “I paid. You don’t. You didn’t love him anymore. He was suffering with you. You have no idea how happy he was with me.” She hated that last sentence. She couldn’t accept that her husband preferred to be with a man than with her. “Let me think about your deal. I tell you my answer tomorrow. Is it okay?” she proposed. “Okay, tomorrow at noon. At Kappeli Café.” She promised to be there and he left.

She looked behind the window that he was leaving. When she couldn’t see him anymore she went to the basement. “I’ve a new mission for you. And this time, don’t fail.” “When?” “Tonight at midnight,” she said.

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A bit before midnight Nina was driving to Vuosaari. She looked at the building where Tami lived. There was some light at his window. She smiled and thought that he would regret to have played with her. “You can go. Be quick and efficient,” she said coldly and he left the car. The street was dark. He looked that nobody was following him and he entered the code to unlock the door. He knew it because last time he looked when an old lady was entering the four numbers. He climbed silently the stairs to the last floor. He hated the automatic light. It dazzled his sensitive eyes and he was always scared that someone noted that he was there. He covered carefully his head with his hood and wore his gloves. He put his ear on the door and listened. There was no noise. He took an old credit card from his pocket and opened the door in less than ten seconds. He took his knife in the right hand and entered silently. Nobody was in the kitchen or the bed of the one-room flat. Only the door of the bathroom was closed. He put his hand on the handle and was ready to enter in action. He counted till three in his head and opened quickly the door. Nobody was there. Just a note on the mirror: Fuck you. He took it and destroyed the paper. He was so angry.

“Success?” Nina asked when he was back. “He was not there. But he knew that I was coming,” he confessed. She started the engine and left. “Don’t worry. I’ll protect you. “ “How?” he asked, worried while he looked at the street. “Maybe he should enter in the game. Tomorrow I’ll talk to him. I know his weaknesses. He won’t ruin my project,” she answered, determined.

The next day Nina was at Kappeli. She was still quite sick and she had to push herself to go there. That morning she couldn’t get up easily. She took heavy medicine. She chose a table as far as possible from the main door or the windows. It was an old place and the cold was coming through the wood. She put her hands around her cup of tea to warm them. Her feet were also really cold even if she wore two pairs of socks. One minute before twelve Tami arrived. He took off his hat and gloves and walked to the desk. He chose a coffee and sat next to her. “Do you feel better today?” he wrote in his book. “Not at all. I would like to be right now in my bed,” she replied before to blow her nose. “Let’s be quick. What is your answer?” he wrote. “I’ve a proposition for you,” she admitted but he said that he would not accept and he was not afraid. “I guess that you got my message last night.” “Which message?” she asked surprised. “Oh he didn’t tell you? He is really a bad guy. Never mind. What about the deal?” he insisted. “I’ve a better deal for you. Would you like to have your voice back?” she proposed. He crossed his arms and looked at her, sceptic. “I’m working in a big company specialized in medical research and we have plenty of different departments and projects going on. I thought of you and I talked to my colleagues. There is a project about vocal chords reconstruction after an accident. Their results are pretty impressive. Already three people recovered. They can talk almost normally. This department is in Austria. I can make a deal with them and you can go there. For free. I’ll pay everything. I think that it’s fair,” she told. “Why don’t you admit what you did to Harri?” “I did nothing. It was an accident and I regret it as much as you. I think of him every day. You don’t know how I miss him. I would like that he could be with us like you. We have to admit the truth. He will never come back. Tami, you’re alive. Let me save you and let’s forget about the past,” she said with a tear in the eye. “Can you promise that you won’t ask him anymore to kill me?” “I promise and I apologize. It was a mistake. I was scared. You won’t see him anymore.”

When their cups were empty they left the café. He jumped in the tram that was going to the station and she walked to the car park under Stockmann where she let her car. Her heart was lighter. She was happy that he accepted. Her secret was safe. But Happonen was right. She had to reveal it before it comes out at an unexpected moment. The consequences would not be the same.

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9. Secrets sharing

December 7th

Katrina Lindström was in her kitchen taking some freshly baked cookies out of the oven. They smelled good and the colour was perfect. They were brownish like the ginger breads have to be. She put them on the table behind her to cool down. She smiled and was satisfied. During the whole week she decorated her house for Christmas. On Wednesday the kids helped to do the Christmas tree. They really enjoyed even if they broke a drop in glass and almost fought to have the honour to put the star at the top of the tree. She liked the Christmas period for many reasons. But one of them was that the house looked clean and tidy. Her secret? To tell to the boys that if the house was too messy, Santa Claus would not bring their gifts. The problem was that Oliver didn’t believe anymore in Santa. Katrina had to beg that he would not tell it to his younger brothers. He promised if he could have more candies and pocket money. She didn’t really like it but she accepted.

The boys were at school and she was relaxing on the sofa while she was waiting for her guest. But this resting time was shorter than she expected. Her doorbell rang less than five minutes later. She got up and opened the door. She got some cold air in her face and closed her eyes for one second. She was wearing a dark olive wool jacket over her dark purple shirt but she was thrilling. “Hi, Maria. Please come in,” she welcomed and closed the door right behind her guest. Her neighbour took off her warm clothes and shoes. “I will never be really used of Finnish winter. It’s so cold,” she complained but with a smile. “Don’t worry. In four months the snow will be gone.” “Thanks Katrina. I feel much better now.” The neighbours laughed after this little discussion. Katrina invited her to sit on the sofa while she prepared some Christmas tea. Maria didn’t sit immediately. She was looking at the decoration. She was really impressed. Katrina was talented. She could make everything with her hands. She wished she was so gifted.

“Have you done anything special for Saint Nicholas?” Katrina asked while she was coming back. “Not really. I went to the park with Ana. She wanted to make a snowman. Then we ate some cookies and she got a gift. But nothing really special. I’m not really in a Christmas mood,” Maria admitted. The host knew that the situation was difficult between her neighbour and her husband. She also noted that Maria was very often sad. It wasn’t in her general behaviour. She was someone happy, enthusiastic and warm. “Sweetheart, you can talk to me if you feel the need. I’m your friend. I’m here to help you,” she comforted. “I know. I’m lucky that you live so close. I’m scared. I don’t know how the future will look like. I love Havu but... Since a while he is cold. He is often at work or away and comes home late. Sometimes I don’t see him for two or three days,” she said while she erased a tear with her shirt. “Have you talked to him? Does he know that his behaviour is inappropriate?” “I tried but it’s difficult. I’m so scared that he will leave me.” “Maria, you have to react before it too late. Otherwise he will really go away. Do you know if he is cheating on you?” Maria drank some hot tea. She really liked the Christmas spices. “He doesn’t have a girlfriend. And I know that there is nothing between Nina and him. But this guy...” she murmured and Katrina couldn’t believe her ears. “Havu has a boyfriend?” she asked almost shock but also very curious. “I don’t know what he is doing with that person but he spends many hours with him. I can’t believe that they... no, it’s impossible. Not Havu. He can’t do it.” “You should follow him. You deserve to know the truth. If he is cheating on you with a guy, just divorce. If Vellu does it, I will not hesitate. This is the worst betrayal for a wife. It’s impossible to forgive,” Katrina told her opinion.

Because she saw that her friend was not at ease about the topic, she found another one. “I haven’t told you but did you notice that my belly is quite big?” Maria looked for few seconds. She was thinking that she was about four month of pregnancy. Effectively it looked quite big. Like if it was a six months belly. “There a twins inside,” she announced with a wide smile. Maria changed immediately her sad feelings to happy ones. “I’m so happy for you and Vellu! Congratulations!” she exclaimed and hugged. “I guess that your boys are happy too?” she asked. “Well, Oliver thinks about practical matters. He said that the house will be a bit too small for eight people and that we will need a new car. Ours has only seven seats. Alexander was not really happy. He has plenty of Lego constructions and he is sure that the babies will destroy them. Juha on the other hand is really happy. He said that he will take care of them like the rabbit we had,” she explained. Maria looked around. She never noticed that there were no more rabbit. “What happened to the rabbit?” she asked. “It died some months ago. You know these animals don’t have a long life,” she lied. How could she tell the truth? Maria was thinking. She felt that Katrina forgot something. “And Kimi? What does he think about the babies? I guess that he is angry,” Maria said after a little while. But she didn’t get the answer she thought to get. Katrina cried. “Oh no, I’m sorry. What’s wrong?” she asked while she hugged.

After have blown her nose she decided to tell the truth. “Please Maria, don’t judge me. You will probably think that I’m the worst mother on Earth.” “How can you be? You are a wonderful person and probably one of the best mothers.” “I guess that you saw that Kimi wasn’t here anymore. It was an advice from our psychologist. His behaviour was more and more dangerous. He made a lot of bad things in the neighbourhood and at school. He also provoked the accident of Juha, when he fell from the roof. And the rabbit... he killed it. And you know what made us sad? He never said that it was an accident and that he was sorry. He never apologized. Now he is living in a farm in the countryside. We will visit for Christmas. I hope that he will be happy to see us. Last time he spited in the face of his father. But all that is my fault. I never said no or stop to him. And now he is a monster,” she told between two tears. She was erasing them with a tissue. “He is a young teenager. It’s the rebel period. He is angry but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you. Maybe once he will thank you for what you did. But be patient. It can take years. Katrina, I’m proud of you. Not everybody is able to see how a child is suffering and to take the right decision to help him. You are a good mother,” Maria reassured.

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After a second cup of tea Maria decided to tell another secret. “Katrina, I need your point of view.” “Sure. About what?” she asked. “I don’t know what to do. With Havu it’s not going well and I met a guy.” “Are you in love with another guy?” she interrupted. “Well I don’t really know. When I’m with him I feel good. He always has the right words. He understands me and my feelings. He is really kind and I don’t know what to do.” “Is he sexy?” “Katrina!” Maria jumped. She thought a little bit and had to admit that he was. “What will you do if you were me?” the lady with the black hair asked. “I would say to Janne that if he does nothing to show that he still believe in your marriage he can leave the house and I’ll run to this Apollo. What’s his name?” The blond woman asked, very curious. “I can’t tell you. It’s nothing serious.” “Do I know him?” she insisted. “Thanks for inviting me. It was nice to chat with you,” Maria ended the conversation but Katrina really wanted to figure out who he was. But Maria left without giving a single indication.

From her sofa she was thinking. Who was sexy and that she knew? She was sure that Maria didn’t answer because she knew him. Less than two minutes later she made a conclusion: Arttu Lappi! She couldn’t believe it. What a scoop! She took her phone and called Tiia. “Do you know that Maria is having an affair with Arttu?” “Are you serious? That’s the best gossip of the year!”

It was already late and Maria wondered if she should go to bed or no. She was watching an American talk show about families with problems. It was not really the right topic for her. Suddenly she saw some light by the window. A car was coming. It was probably Havu. Less than two minutes later the door opened. “Hi honey. You are not sleeping?” he asked while he got rid of his coat. “No, as you can see. What were you doing with him?” she asked with the arms crossed. “We watched the ice hockey game and ate pizza. I just drank two beers. Nothing else,” he explained. “That’s all? What did you talk about?” “Well... nothing special. Men stuff. You know: cars, sport and girls.” “Girls?” she repeated. “Maria, all the boys are talking about sex. It’s nothing unusual,” he justified. “Are you talking about... your performances?” He laughed. “Come on Maria. I’m not that stupid. This is private. No, we talk about... some generalities. You can’t understand. It’s too mannish.” “How do you like him?” “What’s that? An interview? Am I a suspect for a crime I didn’t do?” he asked while he crossed his arms. “No, I’m just curious. You spend more time with him than with me and I wonder why. Do you hug him sometimes?” “It’s late. We should sleep,” he proposed. “I don’t like when you don’t answer. Be honest please!” she begged. “He is my best friend, okay. Or like my brother if you prefer. But I’m not in love with him. Now I go to sleep. I’m tired,” he said, upset. “Havu, I’m sorry. Do you think that we can have some romantic moment in the bed?” she suggested in a warm voice. “I told you. I’m tired.” “What’s wrong with you? Men never refuse to have sex,” she told, a bit angry but he didn’t answer.

He went up the stair and brushed his teeth. She went to the bathroom and put her arms around his chest. She moved slowly her hands on his skin. She was doing everything to change his mind. The result was that he brushed his teeth faster and rinsed. He almost pushed her to exit the bathroom. “Havu! Are you upset?” she asked angry and sad at the same time. “I’m really sorry. I don’t know why I did it. I won’t do it again,” he apologized, coming back to her and hugged. “Let’s sleep now,” he murmured. “I’ve a better idea,” she suggested with a smile. “I said no. I’m not in the mood, okay.” She sat on the bed and looked at him. “How can you refuse? Last time we did it was last week. Do you remember? If you have a problem with your... whatever, just go to the doctor. You’re not the first one,” she provoked. “I’m fine. It’s just that in five hours I have to wake up.” “You can be sick. Or you stop talking and you do it. But maybe you can’t do it twice in the same evening,” she said before to switch off her night desk. “Maria, I’m not cheating. I will never do it again. And do you really think that I can do it with my best friend? Do you really know who I am?” “I’m not sure anymore. You changed since the day you went to Nina’s home.” The only answer she got was a kind of growl and the movement of his blanket. “Havu?” “What?” he said from under the cover. “Do you still love me?” “Is it your last stupid question? I’d like to sleep.” “Do you still love me?” she repeated. “Yes,” he whispered.

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10. Emotionless

January 27th 2028

It was a very cold day. One of the coldest days of that winter. The thermometer was showing minus thirty degrees. Everything was frozen, nothing was moving. The snow and the ice were covering everything. People who didn’t need to go outside stayed inside. But some didn’t have choice. They were bus drivers, policemen, firemen, postmen or taxi drivers. Some people had to clean the fresh snow before it blocked the door or to defreeze the car. Nina Olli was working from home. She delayed all the lab analysis she had to do to an unknown date. She was working on reports she didn’t have time to write. She didn’t like it but it was necessary to make the documentation of her researches and to present in a nice and understandable way her results. It was boring but she had nothing else to do. Sometimes she had a break and was reading a book to her daughter or preparing some tea. “Mom, I want to go outside?” the little girl asked. “No, it’s too cold. You will be sick. Go back to read your book. I’ll ask you some questions about it later.” “It’s too hard,” the little girl complained. Saara was three years old but Nina was sure that she was a genius with the genes she had. She wanted that she knew as much as possible. It’s when the brain is young that it learns the best. She was already talking like a five year old child, she could read and write. Saara took her book and went to the window and looked at the white landscape. Some kids were playing. They seemed to have fun. She put her hand on the cold window. She wanted to join them but she knew that it was impossible.

Someone knocked at the door. Nina wondered who it could be. The postman was coming in the morning, not in the afternoon and she ordered nothing. She was not friend with her neighbour. So nobody could ask for a kilo of sugar or babysitting. It wasn’t probably one of her friends because they called before to come. It wasn’t Janne Happonen because he had the key. When she opened she saw a man totally covered with black warm clothes. Only his light blue eyes were visible but she immediately recognized the visitor. She told him to enter and closed the door before the ice blocked the lock. While he took off all his clothes she made some coffee. “What a surprise. I didn’t expect you to visit. What’s up?” she asked. The man in front of her was Tami Kiuru. He was back from Austria. “I’m fine. Thanks,” he said with a broken voice. “I can hear that your voice is almost back. They did a great job. Did you have a nice time in Austria?” she asked without being interested in the answer. “Yes and no. I was far from my family but I’ve to admit that the team in this institute was very efficient. Thank you.” “I kept my promise and I’m honest. Why would I lied to you?” she said before to drink a sip. “I’ve to admit that I had some doubts. I thought that it was a trap and that you wanted to get rid of me,” he told. “This is ridiculous. I guess that it’s Harri who told you that.” “Nina, I know that you didn’t do it to help someone but to keep your secret hidden.” “What do you want? I know that you didn’t come by that weather to have a cup of coffee with me,” she said coldly.

“You’re right. I came here to obtain something.” “What else do you want know? Tami, I’m tired of this situation. My life is a nightmare since Harri left. You don’t know how much I suffer,” she told. “If you were nicer maybe people would come to visit just to ask how you feel. But apparently it’s not the case. You are alone.” She was angry. Her teeth were tight. She felt some tears coming to her eyes but she fought to keep them. She had no envy to show him that she was in pain. “I’m not here to talk about your behaviour. I want to know where the grave of Harri is. I need to talk to him,” he said after a long silence. “No, let Harri in peace. He doesn’t need to hear bad things anymore.” “Who told you that I’ll tell him some bullshit? Do I have to remind you that he was living with me? He was happy with me. But you never accepted it and you killed him.” “I don’t! You killed him! You murdered my husband! Go away! Never come back again!” she almost screamed like during the last visit and her tears came out. But Tami didn’t move. He was like a stone. Emotionless in front of her sorrow. He knew that it was comedy. She didn’t like Harri. She was just afraid of what he knew. “Where is he buried?” he asked calmly. She was out of breathing and sat on the sofa, as far as possible from the visitor. She touched her hair while she calmed down. She stayed silent for long minutes, looking at the carpet. He was observing her behaviour. He tried to analyze each movement. She raised her head and looked at him. “He doesn’t have a grave. He wanted one in Antarctica where he worked but the scientific basis didn’t allow it. Because he liked nature he has been cremated and his ashes have been dumped in the forest. He can be anywhere now,” she explained before to sneeze. Her eyes were still red and she crashed them with her sleeve. “I hope that you are not lying. If I discover that it’s bullshit you know what will happen. I’m not kidding and there will be no deal. Goodbye,” he said before to leave the house.

“Mom, who was the bad man? I was scared,” Saara said when she came back from her room. She went in the arms of her mother who needed a hug. “Don’t worry. He will never come back. I promise. He will never separate us.”

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11. Wings of Destiny

March 12th

Arttu Lappi was biting his finger nails. He was in the bar where the first gig of the Wings of Destiny would happen. Tami Kiuru wrote an article about the band in a music magazine and on a couple of specialized webpages and he told that he had plenty of positive feedback of people interested in the band. He also created a Facebook event and more than thirty people confirmed that they would join. It didn’t seem to be a lot but for the first gig of an unknown band it was. He was with a sound engineer to check all the connections. The man who was maybe twenty-five years old new really well what he was doing and answered professionally all the questions of Arttu even if they were stupid or if he asked the same for the tenth time. “Relax Arttu. Have a Coke with me.” This advice came from Tiina, his girlfriend who was the singer of the band. At the table he was looking at his phone. “Olli is on the way. He said that he should be there in about half an hour. Vellu told me that he was already in town. I wonder what he is doing,” he explained. “Calm down. Maybe he didn’t find a parking spot closer or he forgot something. He is still on time,” she reassured. “I know but I’d like that they come all early to check if everything is working. I don’t want to do it when there are customers in the bar,” he admitted.

Suddenly his phone rang. It was the last member of the band. “When are you coming? I’m waiting for you?” the lawyer asked straight away. “Arttu, I’m sorry but I can’t come.” “What?” Arttu almost jump on his chair. “Some family business... I swear that I’d love to come but it’s impossible. Maybe next time.” It was Janne Ahonen, the male singer who was ruining the plans of Arttu. “How will we do? It’s a disaster!” he told to Tiina. “We don’t need him. I can sing his lyrics.” “But Tami said that he will sing! Some people still remember who he is and will probably come to see him and not us. It’s like a lie,” he confessed, desperate. “We can simply tell the truth. I’m sure that the audience will understand,” she comforted.

“Hello guys!” Olli Muotka and Veli-Matti Lindström said together. “Let’s rock tonight!” Olli added, enthusiast while he sat at the table. “I can’t wait even if I’m stressed. Look at my hands. They are shaking,” Vellu showed. “Everything will be great tonight,” Tiina told. “Rane is not coming... we should cancel the concert,” Arttu announced. “What? Are you crazy? No way. We will do it with or without him,” Olli said with the fist on the table and the others nodded. “Do you know if Anssi is coming?” Vellu asked. Koivuranta promised to come for their first concert but unfortunately Arttu had to tell that he couldn’t make it. He was recording a video clip for his new single in Kuusamo and had no time to come to the capital in the south of the country.

Less than twenty minutes later Arttu had to deal with another problem he didn’t expect. His ex-wife called to tell that Suvi insisted to come to the concert. But because it was in a bar who sold alcohol the entrance was prohibited to people under eighteen. “I’m going to talk with the owner of the bar if he can make an exception but I can’t promise,” he said before to end the conversation. The owner was a fat man over seventy years old but who loved his job. He was also a great fan of music and was really talented to get good bands before they got famous. To play in his bar for a new band was always a great honour. The man was outside, smoking a cigarette. “Markku, I’ve a little problem. My daughter would like to assist to the gig. I know the rules but is it possible to make an exception?” the lawyer asked a bit shy. “Ah kids. They are always saying that we are bad parents, we don’t give enough pocket money or we don’t understand their love dramas. But suddenly when they realize that we are doing something great without them, they beg like five year old children. I understand your problem. I faced it many times with my kids. It’s not easy to say no,” he said before to throw the butt to the ashtray. “Thanks. I will call my ex.” “Did I tell you yes or no?” Markku asked. “Well... you said that...” “Don’t make conclusions on a story I told you. Your problem is different. Each case is different and has a different solution.” Arttu was smiling. He had a good feeling. “She can come but only at one condition.” “Sure. I’ll do everything you want.” “She has to come with an adult and to stay with him or her from the moment she arrives to the departure. Also when she goes to bathroom. I think that her mother would be the perfect person,” the owner suggested. “Okay. I will do it,” he promised even if he was not really happy to invite his ex to see his first concert with the new band. It added extra pressure on his shoulders. “Oh and you will have to clean the room in the backstage. I don’t want to see a single glass, bottle or paper on the floor. Am I clear?” “Yes, it’s clear,” he promised.

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Two hours later the bar was pretty full. People were talking in groups and drinking beer or cider. But apparently beer was more popular. Some of them ordered shots of liqueur, vodka or whisky. Katrina Lindström arrived few minutes before the gig started. She wanted to see her husband on stage. She was lucky that her neighbour accepted to do some babysitting for her even if at that time kids were sleeping. But one could be sick, be hungry or thirsty or have a nightmare. It was the reason why an adult had to be in the house. Maria was on the sofa, watching a movie. Katrina pushed a bit a man and came closer to the stage. When people saw her 7 months belly they let her go closer. She wanted to have the view on the keyboard. Some minutes later the lights went off and people whistled. Olli was the first one to enter on the stage. He sat behind the drum and began softly. Arttu and Vellu arrived together. The bassist and the keyboard player joined Olli. Katrina was so enthusiast but she didn’t except such music. A bit on the right, on Arttu’s side, there was Iirja and Suvi. The ex couldn’t believe that Arttu was playing in a real band. A woman in black clothes entered and sang in a clear voice. How could Arttu played in a rock-metal band? She understood better why she wasn’t with him anymore. Suvi on the other side loved the music. To be on the mood she painted her nails in black. She had a lined black and red shirt and a jean with holes. She was also wearing earrings... skulls. Iirja did everything to avoid her daughter to wear them but it was mission impossible.

In the corner there was a man alone with a beer in the hand. He had a dark blue sweater and the hood on this head. He didn’t smile, move or applaud. He was like a statue fixing the band. His eyes were analyzing each movement, his ears each notes. He wanted to think that it was bad. But it wasn’t possible. The musicians were not drunk and didn’t miss a single note. The singer who looked great didn’t forget a word. He hated himself because he couldn’t hate what they were doing. At the end of the third song he had to admit the truth. He put his glass on a table and applauded.

During the fifth song someone poured a glass of beer on other people who complained. Katrina got some drops but it wasn’t bad. While she looked that the people behind her were okay she saw Janne Happonen in the back. She didn’t know that it was coming. Maria didn’t say anything about it. But there was something strange. He seemed to be talking to someone on his left but she couldn’t see. She moved a bit and looked. It was with a man. She couldn’t see his face because his head was covered by the hood of his black sweater. His head was always oriented down. She could just see his chin with a beard. She looked at his left hand. He had no ring. Was he the guy Maria talked about? She took her phone and took a picture. But she was too far and there was not enough light. She decided to come closer. But she was scared at each step that Havu could see her. She went on the left because the guys looked on the right to the stage. At the end of the song people applauded and she took another picture before to disappear in the crowd.

Suvi and Iija came close to the stage to congratulate the bassist at the end of the show. When Arttu saw them he was so happy. “It’s was fantastic!” the young girl said before to jump in the arms of his father who was tired but so happy. “I’m so glad that you enjoyed. I think that the audience really liked and the members had fun,” Arttu replied. “I didn’t know that you were gothic?” his ex-wife asked. “I’m not. We are not really gothic. We are more rock, rock metal symphonic. But it’s quite soft,” he explained. “Dad, next time you should paint your nails in black,” Suvi suggested. “What?” “Yes, it will fit with the music and when the light is on the guitar we will see better the movements of your fingers. If you don’t know how to do it, I’ll paint your nails.” “Don’t touch my nails.” “You can also use some eyeliner,” she proposed and laughed shyly. Arttu just shook his head.

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After the concert the musicians went back to the backstage room. “It was awesome! Thank you guys!” Arttu exclaimed. His hair was wet and his forehead was covered of drops of sweat. He played like he never did before and the spot lights were closer and warmer than expected. “Great! Great! Great! And the audience loved the gig! Fantastic,” Olli commented. “For a first gig, I never expected that everything could work. You are the best,” Tiina congratulated the musicians. “It’s better than to use drugs!” Vellu told before to sit heavily on the sofa. “How do you know?” Arttu asked. “Well... I’ve been young and stupid like everybody. Don’t tell me guys that you have never smoked a spliff?” The answer he got was a long silence. “Anyway. It was great. When is the next gig?” the entrepreneur asked. “No one knows. Let’s hope soon,” the lawyer answered.

Their conversation was interrupted by someone knocking at the door. Olli who was closer from the door opened. It was the man with the hood. Arttu jumped and his heart was beating really fast. Was he the guy who went to his bedroom some months ago? The guy entered and took it off. “Ville! What a nice surprise to see you here!” the coach assistant exclaimed and Arttu was relieved. “Guys, I hate you. You are so fucking good. I’m jealous,” he said seriously before to laugh. “Have a drink with us,” Arttu proposed.

When Veli-Matti was back home he moved silently to the house and didn’t switch on the light. He closed softly the door of the bedroom and walked like a cat to the bed. He entered very gently under the covers and hoped to don’t wake up his wife. During that moment he stopped breathing and bit his lip. “Vellu, you were amazing,” Katrina murmured and he almost jumped. “You scared me! But I’m glad that you liked the show.” “Have you seen Havu?” “No...” Vellu didn’t get why his wife was talking about the neighbour. “He was in the bar,” she confessed. “Really? I didn’t see him and he didn’t come to the room after the gig. It’s weird. Usually he comes.” “It’s maybe because he was with a person he didn’t want you to see.” “What?” he asked, surprised. “Who? I like everybody. He can come with whoever he wants. I don’t care and the guys too,” he told. “It’s because... you have to promise to keep it secret.” “Katrina... don’t tell me that you saw something that doesn’t exist,” he whispered. “No and I can show you. I’ve a picture. Havu is dating... a man!” After these words Vellu switched on the light on the night desk. He wore his glasses and looked at the screen of his wife’s phone. “It’s dark... it can be anyone.” “He is not married because he doesn’t have a ring. He seemed to be as tall as Havu but is more athletic. He has certainly brown hair because he had a dark beard. But it doesn’t seem to be black,” she told. “Did they kiss or touched their ass” “Vellu! What do you think? If I saw something like this I will be sure that he is gay. I will not try to discover it.” “You have no evidence. It’s maybe just a friend. Maybe he left because he got a phone call from work. Who knows? Don’t tell your lovely friends about what you saw and think to have seen. He was in the bar to watch the gig and have a beer with a friend. That’s all. Good night,” he concluded while he switched off the light.

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12. To die alive

May 27th

Arttu Lappi arrived with his daughter Suvi and his girlfriend Tiina to the Happy Hangover bar in Kluuvi. They were just back from Korkeasaari the zoo island. Suvi was very enthusiastic and was talking a lot about all the animals she saw. Arttu and Tiina were just smiling. “Good afternoon little Lappi family,” Janne greeted with a smile. “Hello dude. We are a bit thirsty and we loved to have one of your cocktails,” Arttu said. “Sure, maybe I suggest the new one: blueberry, wild strawberry, lime and mint with a little bit of black paper,” the owner explained while we showed the picture of the new drink. “Sounds really interesting! I take one,” Tiina said. “Well... I don’t know...” Arttu was always cautious. He preferred the simple juice where he could really feel the taste. “Just an orange juice for me.” Janne smiled. “And for the little princess?” the owner of the bar asked. “For me a sunrise. It’s my favourite,” she said with a wide smile.

When it was a bit calmer Janne left the desk and went to their table. But he always had an eye if a new customer was coming. “Your new cocktail is absolutely delicious,” Tiina exclaimed and Janne thanked. “Are you getting married soon?” Janne asked and Arttu and Tiina were looking at each other. “Well... we don’t know. It’s a bit too early,” Arttu said. “I don’t want a brother or a sister!” Suvi complained and the adults laughed. “But it would be nice to live with you,” Tiina said with a smile and the cheeks of Arttu became reddish. “Arttu, you know now what you have to do,” Janne added with a smile. A customer arrived and Janne had to go back to work. Under the table Arttu and Tiina were holding their hands. They knew that it was a bit too soon for Suvi. For her, her parents should be again together but it wasn’t possible. She has been already frustrated when her mother got married again. The worst of all was the little brother who was born less than two years later. She saw that her mother preferred her new husband and the baby they had together. She didn’t want that the same happened with her father.

Some minutes later Janne came back to their table. “Is everything okay? Are the drinks still okay?” “Yes, Janne don’t worry. Sit with us for a while,” Arttu invited. “I’ve to tell you something,” Janne said and the little family was looking at him. “With Leena we will have a second baby.” “That’s fantastic! Congratulations!” Arttu exclaimed and hugged his friend. “For when is the birth planned?” Tiina asked a bit curious. “Mid-December,” Janne answered, still with a smile on his face. “I know someone who will not be happy about it,” Arttu said, half laughing. Tiina and Suvi didn’t get it but Janne yes. “She will need more Botox!” Janne added and they laughed. “My ex-wife. She doesn’t support that I’m happy without her,” Janne commented for Tiina who was a bit lost. A group of tourists arrived and Janne went back to the desk. “I’d love to have a baby too. Why everybody has a baby and not me,” Suvi said and Arttu looked at her. “You are a bit young. But don’t worry you will have one. Or maybe two or three. And I’ll be the happiest grandfather,” he answered before to kiss her hair and she smiled.

Arttu was looking at Janne behind his desk. After have given the money back to a client he got a phone call. He seemed to be stressed. His face was pale and he seemed to just say yes, yes but he was not the same anymore. He ended up the call and took a dirty blender. He seemed to be a robot. His gestures were mechanical. Arttu got up and came to the desk. “Is everything okay?” he asked a bit worried. “Yes, don’t worry. Everything is fine,” Janne said, still washing his blender. He didn’t look at Arttu. His hands were shaking. The lawyer opened the little door, went behind the desk and put his hand on his shoulder to reassure. At that moment he saw that Janne who had his head down was pursing his inferior lip. His eyes were wet and he was fighting to don’t cry. “Come with me,” Arttu said and they went to the storage room. He leant on a box of apples and was still fighting to don’t cry. “Janne, what’s wrong? If you need to cry, do it. I’m not here to judge you,” he added in a low voice to comfort. At that moment Janne went to him and he cried on his shoulder. Arttu hugged and touched his hair. He said nothing. It was certainly something really bad. Janne was not someone who cried easily. And these tears were really tears of sorrow.

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When he was calm Arttu gave a tissue. They were sat in the storage room and didn’t say a word. “Can you call Marika and ask her to come as soon as possible in Kluuvi?” Janne said while he gave his phone to Arttu. He couldn’t refuse and Janne already pressed the call button. In the bar customers were wondering where the waiter was. They entered, waited for a couple of minutes and went away. Suvi got up and went behind the desk. She took the booklet with the description of the drinks and thought that it shouldn’t be too difficult. She asked a girl what she wanted and she chose a sunrise. Luckily she knew exactly what was inside. The problem was that the blender was too high. She wanted to take a chair and climb on it but Tiina refused. It was too dangerous. Tiina helped as she could to prepare the cocktails while Suvi was writing the orders and cashed. It was team work and it was working pretty well. Some people were a bit suspicious about the age of the cashier but Tiina was always there to check that she was giving back the right amount of money. Some minutes later a blond girl which was around seventeen years old arrived and was really surprised. “What are you doing there? Where is Janne?” she asked with a bit of aggressiveness in the voice. “He is with my boyfriend in the storage room,” Tiina said and the teenager went there directly. She found the two men, talking in a low voice. “Thanks for coming. I’ve to leave. I’ll come back later,” Janne said to his employee before to take his keys. His eyes were dried but he was still under the emotion.

“Tiina, can you go home with Suvi. We’ll join later. Janne will stay with us for the night,” Arttu announced. “What’s going up?” “I’ll tell you later,” the lawyer said before to join Janne who was waiting behind the back door. They walked silently to the car of Janne who gave the keys to Arttu. “You can ask me all what you want. I’m your friend and I’m here to help you. Don’t be shy or ashamed. Where do I drive you?” he asked while he pressed the launch button of the Audi. “To the hospital. Meilahti,” he said with a hoarse voice. Arttu drove in silence. He didn’t really know what to say and he thought that it was better to stay mute.

When they arrived they went directly to the reception. Janne tried to explain the situation but the words had some difficulties to come. Especially some. When the receptionist got his request she had a tender smile but Janne was still under shock and didn’t notice it. The two friends went in the back and followed a small doctor which was probably from India or Pakistan. He was bold on the top of his head and the other hair was still black. He had a big nose in the middle of his rounded face. He was small and fat. He told his name but it was impossible to remember. Before to go further he asked Janne if he wanted to wait for other people to come. “No, I’d like to see her,” he said when he came back to reality. Arttu showed that he was still there but he was not following him. Janne stopped and breathed deeply but didn’t look back. He entered in the little room. Arttu stayed close enough but at a reasonable distance from the door. He didn’t want to hear what he was saying. It was private.

Arttu was thinking of that afternoon. He came to the bar with his happy family. Janne was happy too but he was alone in the bar. He came to their table to announce marvellous news. He still remembered the happiness that was in his eyes. And suddenly a phone call. Not very long. Maybe a bit more than a minute. And the happiness of Janne disappeared. His family was destroyed. How could life be so cruel? Arttu thought of his own family. How would he react if he got a phone call to tell him that his daughter died? He thought that he would die the same day. She was everything for him. He understood what Janne was living. But the pain was bigger. He lost his wife and his future child. What did he do to deserve it? He already lost Milo some years ago. Wasn’t it enough? Arttu felt that some tears were running on his cheek. It was tears of sorrow but also tears of anger. He didn’t understand that world.

Janne came back more than half an hour later. His head was down and his eyes and nose were red. Arttu came to him and put his hand on his shoulder. “I invite you to stay at my place. I think that it’s better than to stay alone,” Arttu said and Janne just followed. When they were in the car Janne took his phone. He saw that he had plenty of missed calls. He was too tired to look at who called. “Can you drive to Kivenlahti? Teemu is there with the parents of Leena. They have to know.” “Sure,” Arttu said and he took the Länsiväylä to cross the South of Espoo from East to West. When they arrived Arttu stayed in the car and promised to wait as long as it was needed. Once Janne was opening the door of the house, the lawyer took his phone and call Tiina to say that they would be a bit late. Then he called Janne Happonen. He knew that he was a close friend of Janne. He had to know first. “What? But what happened?” Havu asked. “I don’t know what happened. He is still under shock and he just need to be comforted. He will stay for the night at my place. I hope that he will accept to stay a bit longer,” the lawyer explained. Then he called Veli-Matti Lindström. He knew that he and his wife were really good to contact quickly everybody.

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In Arttu’s house, Tiina prepared some dinner and Suvi changed the towels in the bathroom. She also went out with Pillow, the huge Saint Bernard of his father. After his evening walk he was much calmer. The two friends arrived a bit before eight o’clock. Arttu gave a little sport bag to Suvi and asked her to bring it to the guest room. “I’m so sorry for what happened. We will do our best to help you,” the girlfriend of the lawyer said while she hugged. He didn’t answer or moved he was like in his own world. He had plenty of questions coming to his mind and they were without answers at that moment. Tiina talked about the food she made and tried to help him to forget for a few seconds.

After the dinner Arttu and Janne were in the living room, looking at the rain outside while they drank wine. “Do you want to call your family? I can do it for you if it’s too hard,” Arttu proposed. “Who do you want to call? There is nobody.” “What about your parents?” “They are not there anymore. My father had a heart attack while he was gardening about eight years ago and my mother had a cancer. She died about three years ago,” Janne explained before to drink a sip. “I’m sorry. What about your brother?” Janne laughed. “Why? We are not in touch anymore. He didn’t come for the wedding why will he come for the funerals? I don’t need hypocrites,” Janne answered. “And Mico?” “Mico...” Janne repeated while he looked at the window. “Maybe tomorrow.”

“I should sell the bar,” Janne said, still looking at the rain. “Don’t do it. You are still under shock and later you will regret. Don’t take important decisions now. Take your time,” Arttu advised. He was keeping the bottle near him because he didn’t want that his guest got drunk to forget. “I knew that it was a bad idea to come back to Finland,” Janne said to his glass. “It was bad luck. You couldn’t know,” Arttu tried to comfort and he saw that a silent tear was running on the cheek of Janne who erased it quickly. “I already died once when Milo died. I needed years to be alive again. But something was definitively dead in me. To meet Leena was probably the best that happened to me. I thought that it would never happen again. But I was. She was my ray of light. She knew how to make me smile. And with the birth of Teemu I was almost in heaven. But I think that I can’t be happy. God had to punish me again.” “Don’t say that,” Arttu replied while he hugged him. He felt that he was crying silently.

“I’m so stupid,” Janne said while he erased his tears. “No, you’re not.” “Why did I accept to lend my bike? I knew that my brother in law was not able to drive it. It was too powerful for him. And he told me that he was going with Leena. Why did I accept?” “You thought that he was responsible. You trusted him. Janne, it’s not your fault. It was destiny. Please, don’t do something stupid. Teemu needs you,” Arttu reminded. “I know. I will go back to Gran Canarias. My life is there. Not in this country that brought me only problems.” “Like I told you: don’t take important decisions now. You are not in condition. I think that you should go to sleep,” Arttu said when he saw that they almost finished the bottle. “I will not sleep,” Janne said while he got up. “Try to relax at least,” Arttu said when he turned on the light of the bedroom. “If you need anything just tell me. If you are hungry, feel free to go to the kitchen. There is a little bathroom behind that door and the towels have been changed. My room his upstairs, second door on the right. I hope that you will sleep a bit,” the owner of the house said before to close the door.

Janne sat on the bed and looked at a picture on his phone. He still couldn’t realize that she was not there anymore. How could a so happy and young girl die? Life was so unfair. He took off his clothes and lay on the bed. The light on the night desk was on and he was looking at the ceiling. It was white with a lamp in the middle. The lamp was made of wood and linen. It was natural colours and was warm. Janne was remembering the wooden bar on the beach in Gran Canarias where he was preparing cocktails for the Finnish tourists. He really liked to talk with them. They were relaxed and happy. Who couldn’t be on that island? The sun was shining almost every day, the food was delicious and the girls were pretty. The wind coming from the ocean was always warm. What he preferred was to look at Leena coming out of the sea in bikini with her wet brown hair. He smiled in the Finnish night but when he realized where he was his smile disappeared.

He sat on the bed after have heard a noise. What was it? A kind of growl with a scratch. He got up and opened the door. The huge dog pushed him and entered. “What are you doing here? You should go to your basket and sleep.” But the dog didn’t move. He was sat on the floor and was looking at the sad visitor. Janne went back in the bed but under the cover. The dog put his head on the mattress and was still looking at him. Janne moved his hand and caressed his head. The dog liked it and then jumped on the bed. He lay down next to Janne and licked his face. “What are you doing?” Janne said while he erased the slaver he had on the face. Some minutes later the dog saw that the visitor was still sad. He moved his head and tried to comfort. Surprisingly Janne hugged the animal and cried again. Some minutes later they were sleeping side by side. The light of the night desk was still on.

During that time Arttu Lappi was not sleeping. He was with the bottle of wine in his computer room. He took a piece of paper and a pen. After that event he noticed that the death was more and more present around him. He remembered the words of Harri Olli right after the storm and wrote them on the paper:

We’ll have to pay. All of us. And it already started.

He was thinking of his friends. Then he wrote:

Anssi Koivuranta lost his wife in the storm.
Tiia Ahonen lost her boyfriend in the storm.
Harri Olli lost his life. Was he a loss for Nina? Or Tami?
Jussi Hautamäki lost his life. He had no close family. He had no more contact with his children.
Janne Ahonen lost his wife and his future child.
Tami Kiuru almost lost his life. Does it count?

Harri was maybe crazy for many people but Arttu realized that he was until then always right. Then he was a bit scared. He wrote the names of his friends who were still lucky:

Janne Happonen
Veli-Matti Lindström
Olli Muotka
Ville Kantee

He breathed deeply and looked at the names. But one was missing: his name. And he added to the list. He was scared. Did it mean that Suvi was the next one to die? Or Tiina? What could he do to avoid it? And he remembered the threaten he got some months ago by the man in black. He thrilled. Then he remembered another sentence of Harri: He is here. Someone very selfish. But who? Who was responsible for all these deaths? He finished the bottle and decided that it was time to go to sleep.

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Few weeks later Maria Happonen went to visit Janne in his flat. She knew that he had some difficulties. He was depressed and needed some help. When she needed help he was there for her. Now it was her turn and she was doing it with pleasure. She baked some bread and went to the shop. She was almost sure that Janne forgot to do the food shopping. She rang at the door and waited. Two minutes later she took the key he gave her and entered. “Janne?” she asked while she took off her shoes. The flat was dark and the windows were closed. She had the feeling that they were closed for more than a night. Ana was with her mother and was walking in the living room. On the middle of the table there was a bowl with a few candies. When Maria saw it she warned her daughter who promised to don’t touch it. Maria heard that Teemu was crying. She opened the door of his room and found the little boy in his bed. She took him in her arms and comforted. She noted that he smelt bad. She went to the bathroom and changed his nappy. “It’s much better now. Do you agree?” But the boy was still crying. He was probably hungry. She went to the kitchen with him and prepared a kind of purée. The boy stopped immediately to cry. “Mom, can I watch some TV?” Ana asked. “Wait,” her mother answered. When Teemu was ready she brought him back to his room, in his play space. It was secure because there was a barrier. He couldn’t escape or fall. She went back to the living room and was looking for the cartoons. When she was sure that it was adapted to her age, she let her in front of the screen.

She opened the door of the bedroom of Janne and as expected, he was sleeping. “Get up! It’s almost 11,” she said while she opened the curtains. He complained and hid under the cover. She was determined. She took the cover away and he had no other choice than to wake up. “Take a shower and wear some clothes. When you’ll be ready you can join me in the kitchen. I’m cooking for you.” She left the room immediately. She didn’t want to stay any longer and to see him in underwear. He came back on time to have lunch. His hair was freshly washed and his clothes were clean. “Thanks for all what you are doing for me. I’m still a bit lost and confused.” “It’s normal and I’m here to help you. You can also call me if you need someone to talk with. I’m often at home with Ana,” she said. “Oh and you fed Teemu. How can I thank you?” “You don’t need. But don’t do it again. He needs you. Next time set up your alarm clock,” she suggested.

After the lunch they went outside for a walk. Ana was picking some flowers that she gave to her mother who was happy. When he saw it, Janne smiled. It was his first smile since a long while. At a reasonable distance Tiia was looking at them from her car. She wondered why Maria Happonen was seducing Janne who was single again. Was she a competitor? She hoped not. Otherwise she was really unlucky. Every time she wanted to seduce her ex-husband someone else was on the way. She already failed with her motorbike plan and she didn’t want to fail again. She failed three times at the theoretical exam and was not allowed to take part to the practice. Luckily Janne never heard about it. She just hoped that Katrina and Nina would keep it for themselves.

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13. Action plan

June 30th

Maria Happonen was just back from the shop. She went to the kitchen and put everything to the fridge. She was thinking of her best friend who was still suffering from the loss of his wife. She decided to take a bag and brought some food to his flat. Even if she had the key she preferred to ring. Nobody answered. She rang again and after some seconds she decided to open the door. The flat was still dark. She breathed out deeply. All the curtains and windows were closed. Some boxes were on the floor. He was probably already packing. The kitchen was a mess. There were dirty dishes everywhere and some cupboards were open. There were also clothes on the sofa and on the floor. She also noticed that there were plenty of frames with pictures of his wife almost everywhere. It was really strange. She couldn’t analyze any longer when she heard the familiar sound of a little child. She opened the door and found Teemu still in his bed. When he saw her he cried. She took him in her arms and comforted. She went to the bathroom and changed his nappy. Then he was much better. “You must be hungry. I will prepare something for you,” she said while she carried him to the kitchen. She opened the fridge and was desperate. There was almost nothing. Just some milk, a pizza half eaten, two eggs and three cans of beer. She looked in her bag and took some carrots that she put in the blender after have washed it.

When the kid finished she install him in the living room in his play area. She smiled and walked to the other bedroom. The door was not closed and she just pushed it with her index. The curtains were closed but because outside it was sunny the room wasn’t dark. Janne was still sleeping on the stomach. The cover was just over the bottom of his back and his right leg. She didn’t know if he was naked or sleeping in underwear. She sat on the bed and touched his shoulder. “It’s time to wake up. It’s half past eleven,” she said while he made a kind of growl. “Leave me alone,” he murmured while he hid his face in the pillow. “Oh no. I will not let you sleep any longer. You have a lovely son who needs you. He was hungry when I arrived,” she told when he finally looked at her. She was angry because it wasn’t the first time that he didn’t wake up. She felt like to be his mother and needed to repeat everything ten times. He sat and put his arms around her. “Thanks for coming. You are the only one who cares of me,” he whispered. She touched his back and smiled. “I’m your friend and I can’t let you down. Now get up, take a shower and wear some clothes. I will cook something for you,” she announced. “Take a nap with me,” he proposed while he tried to have her in the bed. “No! Leave that bed and I will not join you. Get up now!” she ordered while she jumped out of the bed and looked at him like a severe teacher. “I’m sorry,” he apologized and she went to the kitchen.

“Last night I did something stupid,” he admitted when he arrived in the kitchen. “I got drank in a bar and I fought with a guy. Luckily he was much more drunk than me. I’ve no clue how I came back home. All what I remember is that I prepared a cocktail to kill the hangover. The blender and the mess are still in the sink,” he turned around and saw that there was nothing left in the sink. “Oh thanks for washing my dishes. I promise to don’t behave like last night anymore.” “I hope so. You are a father. You must be responsible. I’m angry. There is no progress since a month. Janne you have to change. You have to move on,” Maria replied.

She decided that it was time for an action plan. Janne couldn’t continue to live that way. She took a notepad and wrote a kind of diary. “Here we go. If you follow that you won’t behave anymore like last night,” she promised. Janne took the paper and read it a bit sceptic. He felt like to be at the kindergarten. He smiled and promised to follow the plan as close as possible. “Great. I’ll come and visit next week. If you need any help, just call me. But I don’t want to find you anymore in your bed at 11,” she said before to leave the flat.

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“Can you stop being jealous!” Maria complained to her husband who didn’t like that she spent so much time with his ex-roommate. “I’m not jealous. It’s just that... I prefer when you are here. Look at the plants. They need to be watered.” After that remark she got angry and put her fists on her hips. “You can also do it instead of spending hours on the sofa, reading the newspaper or watching TV,” she replied. She knew that Janne was a bit old fashioned in his image of women at home. She tried to teach him that he could also clean, water the plants or do the laundry but it seemed to be impossible. “Okay I go to give water to the plants,” he said while he got up.

When he was outside his neighbour saw him and came to the barrier. “Hi Havu. I haven’t seen you in a while.” “It’s because I’m working,” he replied, still looking at the flowers. “You look a bit angry. Is everything alright?” his curious neighbour asked. “Tell me Vellu. Are you doing female work at home?” Janne asked. “I’m sometimes cooking. I can cook the zucchini in hundred different ways. My wife is always amazed.” “I don’t like this vegetable.” “Come on Havu! It’s delicious. It’s just because you never taste one of my dishes. Next time I’m cooking I bring you a sample. I can promise you that you will lick the plate. By the way, why did you ask that question?” Veli-Matti Lindström asked. “My wife is complaining and says that I’m doing nothing at home.” “Is it true?” “No! I take care of the garden and the cars.” “You should something surprise her. You can cook or if you are too bad you can clean the kitchen or the bathroom. It’s two rooms that women don’t like to clean.” “Thanks for your advices,” Havu replied before to go back home.

More than a week later Maria went back to Rane’s flat. But she had the surprise to see that his name wasn’t anymore on the door. She thought that she was maybe at the wrong floor. No, it was correct. She took her phone but nobody answered. She decided to ring at the door. Few seconds later a tall man who was just over forty opened the door. He was good looking, tall and be seemed to be a fitness freak. “Hello, excuse me to disturb but...” “You must be Maria,” the man answered with a typical Finnish voice. She was so surprised that she didn’t answer. “Janne left that for you,” the guy said while he gave her an envelope. She thanked and went back to her car. Inside there was a key and a map. “Where is this?” she said while she turned the piece of paper. It looked to be in the middle of nowhere.

More than an hour later she found a little path going to the forest. The gate was opened. What was that strange place? Her car was jumping on the stones and she hope that nobody was driving in the opposite direction. At the top of the hill there was a kind of car park. She let her car next to the car of Janne and walked in the direction of the main house. It was a wooden house under the trees. It looked quite big with two floors and maybe another one under the house in the slope. On the left there was another house but smaller. Maybe for guests or a play house. A young boy was mowing the grass. She never saw him before. It was maybe a student who came by bike. He was finishing his job and turned off the machine. A path was going down the hill to the lake. The sauna was probably there. It was very quiet. There were just a few birds singing in the branches. She knocked at the door and waited.

“Hello Maria. Nice to see that you found the house,” Janne welcomed. He was wearing a short in jean and a black shirt that seemed to be too wide. He invited her to enter. She let her shoes in the main lobby which looked like a winter garden with two rocking chairs, a glass table and some plants. The house was painted in white inside. The walls were decorated with paintings or photos. She followed him to the living room which was warm. She sat in the leather sofa and looked around while he went to the kitchen that was close. She noticed that almost all the furniture was new. “Do you want some coffee?” he asked from behind the wall and she accepted. On the shelf and on the table she saw that there were plenty of frames with the picture of his wife. He was really unable to move on. Between the living room and the kitchen there was the table to iron. She probably interrupted his work. She had a quick look and noticed that there were some women clothes. Was he already dating someone? She doubted because of the frames on the table. It was weird.

“Why are you ironing this dress?” Maria asked when he was back and she immediately noticed that he was embarrassed. “Oh that? It’s... nothing important.” “Do you have a girlfriend?” “No, I don’t. Forget about it. Teemu is at my mother-in-law’s place,” he changed the subject of the conversation. “Don’t tell me that you are doing the laundry of your wife who died more than a month ago,” she said, looking at him into the eyes. And his reaction was clear. He turned his head and looked on the left. “Janne, you have to move on. Life continues. Look, now you are living in a beautiful house. It’s a new step in your life. I’m sure that you will be happy in some time. If you need help I’m here,” she reminded. He didn’t answer and looked at the clock on the wall. “I’ve to go.” “Are you going to bring Teemu back?” “No, I... I’ve to... you can’t understand.” She got up and went to him. She took his hand and said: “We can go together. I’m not here to judge you.” After these words he accepted.

He drove in the country side for more than twenty minutes before to stop the car on the side of the road. Maria didn’t get immediately why he did it. He opened the back door and took some flowers. He walked a little bit and kneeled. She saw that on the side there were some dry flowers. She stayed where she was. It was a private moment. But after five minutes she decided that it was time to change it. “How often do you come here?” “Every day.” “She will not come back. You can do whatever you want. You have to live the present moment and let the past behind you. Teemu needs you. Mico as well. They are alive. Come. It’s time to go back home,” she said and he walked silently to the car.

“Have you been to Janne’s home?” Maria asked to Tiia who was wearing again some expensive clothes and jewellery. “Yes, why?” “Don’t you feel something strange?” “Yes, Janne is losing his mind,” Tiia answered while she drank her tea. The two women were sat in the Ursula Café in Kaivopuisto. They had the view on the sea and far away on the islands of Suomenlinna. “We have to help him!” Maria exclaimed. “Sure. I will do it. You’ll see. In less than two weeks he will be again the Janne he was before.” “How will you do it?” “I’ve my own technique.” Maria didn’t know why but she didn’t really like it. She knew that Tiia always wanted to seduce Janne and at that moment he was vulnerable.

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14. Jealousy

September 7th

Janne Ahonen was bored. Why all his friends were always against him? They were telling him that he should not live with Tiia even if he said that they were not sleeping together. Nevertheless Tiia was living in his house and she seemed to love that situation. Was she there for Janne or for his money? Because apparently everybody noted that he had more money than what he pretended to have. Tiia reported that in the underground of his house he had a control room equipped with high-tech computers. He was able to have an eye in his both bars in different angles including the storage room and the main and back entrances. He was also able to check how the production in Gran Canarias was going on. If he noted anything strange he just called the responsible. He bought also a new motorbike and a car for the weekend. He had a gardener and he was sometimes hiring a babysitter when Tiia was not at home. For his bars he hired four new people. He just came there sometimes to see how it was going and if the clients were satisfied with the service. He never hesitated. When he wanted something he bought it. Or his son could ask whatever he wanted he got it. But neither Tiia nor his friends discovered the source of this richness.

The women were having a cup of coffee in Nina’s living room to discuss about the situation. “But I don’t understand. You are living there and he is not sincere? Why doesn’t he answer your questions?” Katrina Lindström asked the blond fashionista. “I don’t know what Leena did to him but he is not anymore the Janne I knew. He is more secret. It happens that we are in the same room a whole evening and he doesn’t talk to me! It’s unbelievable. He is living in his own world. But he is not as crazy as Harri. Oops. Sorry Nina,” Tiia apologized after these words. “I know that nobody understood my husband. He was not crazy. Just different. But none of you got it on time. Go on Tiia. We’d like to hear more about your discoveries,” Nina invited. “His heart is broken and you should not play with it,” Maria said to Tiia. She knew that she didn’t want to help him to feel better. She was just interested to live in a beautiful house and to get expensive gifts. “I’m not playing. We are a happy couple. It’s just a little bit complicated sometimes. Maria, I think that you are jealous. You tried to seduce him but he chose me.” “This is not true!” the woman with the darkest skin jumped from the sofa. “I helped him how I could because he is my friend. I never, do you understand, never tried to seduce. I like him it’s true but I’m not in love with him and I’m not interested in his money,” she justified. But Tiia was quite sure that Maria didn’t accept that she succeed and not her because her couple with Havu was almost over. Tiia smiled while she thought that Maria would be soon a single mother.

When she came home, Maria had the surprise to find her husband... in the kitchen. “What are you doing?” she asked while she entered in the room. “No, stay outside. It’s a surprise,” he announced. He forgot to wear an apron and he had some tomato sauce on his shirt. But she didn’t comment. It was so rare to see Janne in the kitchen. Ana was in the living room drawing some jumping dolphins. “This looks good. I love it. When it will be finished I’ll hang it on the fridge.” The little girl smiled and presented the dolphins. It was a family that was moving to another ocean because the bad sharks wanted to eat the babies.

Less than twenty minutes later Janne said that it was ready. The table was well set. Maria pointed out his effort. She was impressed but she also wondered why he was doing it. It was really not usual. He cooked a beef stew in tomato sauce and served it with rice and salad. He opened a bottle of red wine for that special moment. “Thanks for cooking. This is really nice of you,” she said with a smile. “Well... I haven’t been really nice with you during these last months and I know it. I’m sorry and it’s why I did it. I hope that you will forgive me.” She accepted his explanation with a shy smile. She was hoping that he was doing that for pleasure. Not to ask for forgiveness. “It’s really good,” she commented after few bites. Ana was looking at her parents and she noted that something was wrong. It was cold and they were not talking. What did she do? Were they upset because she cried in the middle of the night?

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